Despite feeling exhausted, I refused to let myself be down today.
I wasn't going to let Isaac or Casey ruin any more of my days. Today, I wore my hair down and straightened it, which was something I never did anymore. I ditched my over-sized coat that weighed me down and covered my body. As it was not freezing cold day, I let myself wear a skirt.
A few people glanced at me in surprise. I never revealed this much of myself.
I strode past Josh and his friends. I felt his eyes on me the entire time I walked passed. I let out a small sigh as I thought back to my brief time with him. He was the first person that I physically moved on with. I should have known it would all blow up in my face.
"Oh, loving the new look," Marissa gushed as I joined the group. "Looking very nice today, Sadie."
"Thank you," I smiled, brushing a little bit of my hair back from my face. I wasn't used to it being down.
Owen fox-whistled at me and I rolled my eyes. Reaching out, I wound my fingers around his bicep and tugged him after me, much to everyone's shock. Owen looked like he was about to faint. Ignoring that fact, I pulled him after me.
"Hi," I said, once we reached out of ear-shot from everyone.
"Hello," he chuckled, leaning against the wall, looking quite relaxed considering he looked like he was going to collapse a few moments ago. "What's up?"
"I wanted to apologise about what happened the other night," I explained with a sigh. "That was something I wish you hadn't seen."
I saw his cheek twitch as he tried to school his emotions. "No problem."
"I'm sure you have a lot of questions," I pushed, studying him carefully.
"A few," he admitted.
"It's a really complicated situation. One that I very rarely speak about."
"You don't have to explain anything to me, Sadie," he assured me, giving me a lope-sided smile. "Isaac was out of line."
"He was, but there's a long history with us." I exhaled and closed my eyes. I woke up today and told myself to explain what happened to Owen. "I was best friends with his brother."
The words felt funny leaving my mouth. I assumed I would never speak about this again, unless it was to a therapist. But here I was, twice in one week, sharing the darkest and most traumatic times of my life.
"Okay?"
"His brother committed suicide."
As my eyes were still closed, I couldn't see his reaction. However, I could hear it. Or, lack thereof, rather. He was silent. I could vaguely hear is quiet, even breathing. I let myself focus on his exhale while I waited.
He never replied.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and he stood there, stock-still, his lips parted.
"It was a very dark time for me. That's all I'm going to say, but that's what it was all about. We're friends, but there's a lot of baggage between us. It's very complicated."
"Wow," he said softly. "I'm sorry to hear that."
I shrugged, looking down at my feet. "Not your fault."
"Thanks for telling me. You didn't need to, so, thanks." he said. "And you can talk to me about it, anytime you want."
I nodded, biting my lip. "Okay. Thanks."
Grinning, he reached out and squeezed my shoulder.
I liked this Owen. The genuine, friend Owen. Not the one who acted obsessively and over-the-top. It was just me and him - being friends who spoke to each other about real problems.
It was nice.
"Come on," he said, inclining his head. "Let's get back."
He began loping back to the group and I smiled after him.
Maybe Owen wasn't so bad, after all.
***
"What did he look like?"
"Hmm?" I asked distractedly, shoveling a piece of popcorn into my mouth.
"Casey," Marissa elaborated, shifting to a more comfortable position. "What did he look like?"
A small smile tugged on my lips. It was nice to be able to gossip about Casey again. It wasn't annoying that she asked. I liked talking about him with someone who never knew him. It was something I hadn't done for a long time.
"He was tall," I explained, glancing over to her briefly. "Really tall. He had broad shoulders and really good arms." Marissa let out a little giggle and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "He had smooth, tan, but not too tan, skin. It was really soft to touch." I smiled as I closed my eyes, imagining him. "He had really bright, pretty eyes. His face was very defined and angular, but in the most perfect way."
"He sounds delicious," Marissa whispered softly, offering me a sweet smile.
"He was."
"So, you two were close?"
"Closer than you'd think possible," I laughed, shaking my head. "He was my everything."
"I wish I got to meet him," she said.
The smile dropped from my face and I ran my tongue across my teeth. Too bad. He killed himself.
"Sorry," she said instantly. "That was the wrong thing to say. Sorry."
I waved her off, but refused to look back at her. "It's fine."
In my peripheral vision, I saw her chew at her lip nervously.
The movie credits began to roll on the screen and I stretched, yawning in the process.
"You're not tired, are you?" she teased, ignoring the awkwardness that had begun to build between us. "We still have, like, three movies to go."
I rolled my eyes. "I can't promise to make it through another three, but you can put the next one on."
She sprang to her feet and began to change the DVD. I realised, I should have been the one to do it, considering she was the guest. I had surprised myself when I asked her to come over. I had never had a friend over, since the Casey incident, until this week.
My mother almost fainted in surprise when I told her. My dad had choked on his beer.
As the adverts of the movie sponsors began to play, I settled back further into the lounge, cuddling a pillow to my chest.
"Have you spoke to Isaac recently?"
"A little. We're meant to meet up on Thursday next week for our coffee."
"Is that the thing your counsellor has you doing?" she questioned, grabbing a handful of the popcorn.
"Yup."
"Cool."
"Cool?" I rolled my eyes. "Nice."
"Oh shut up," she laughed, her cheeks flaming red.
"Okay, my turn to ask you some questions," I said, half swivelling towards her. "Why don't you go out with Owen?"
She looked at me like I was stupid. "Um, in case you live under a rock, he's completely obsessed with you."
"Before I came along. You were good friends, yes?"
"Yeah, and?"
"And?" I pressed, narrowing my eyes. "Nothing ever happened? No flirting? Nothing?"
Her cheeks were redder than her auburn hair by this point. "No! He's like my brother."
"Ew."
She stuck her tongue out at me. "Besides, he's in love with you. If there were feelings before, there aren't any now."
"Uh huh!" I said, pointing to her. "So you did like him."
"For like five seconds, ages ago," she said dismissively.
"I reckon he would go out with you."
"It's gone," she promised. "Now quit with the 20 questions. Pretty Woman is my favourite movie ever."
"Never seen it."
"Prepare to be amazed," she grinned as she pressed play.
Sinking back into the cushions, I grabbed another piece of popcorn.
I'm definitely glad I told Marissa. It has made just that bit closer.
***
It was a little after 11pm when I crawled into bed beside Marissa.
It was strange, having someone else in the bed. Having someone there was quite comforting. I already felt myself relax. A foreign feeling of calm settled over me as I sunk into my mattress.
"What did you think-" Yawn, "-Of the-" Yawn, "-Movie?" Marissa asked, sleep swallowing her.
"It was really good," I whispered back, equally as sleepy.
"Thass' good," she mumbled.
I felt my eyelids turn heavy as I began to fall asleep. I often had trouble getting to sleep, tossing and turning for hours. But with Marissa here beside me, it only took seconds.
A significant amount of time later, I heard an ear-splitting scream.
Sitting up bolt right, I scrambled around, feeling for Marissa. My hand connected with hers and she was trembling.
"What is it?" I asked, groggy with sleep.
"Oh my God," she cried out, her voice shaky.
"What?"
"Turn on the lights! Turn on the lights!" she shouted.
I could tell by her voice, she was crying. Hastily, I climbed out of the bed and fumbled to turn the light on. Light flooded the room. I looked over to a shaking Marissa. A sob left her lips.
"What?" I asked her, slowly edging towards her.
"I woke up before and I thought I saw someone standing in the doorway," she whispered. "But when I sat up, no one was there. I was so tired... I just went back to sleep."
"Okay..." I said slowly, not having a good feeling about this.
"But then..." she whispered, her face pale. "I heard a creak. I woke up and there was someone standing over me..." Her voice broke as more tears fell down her face. "Sadie..."
I cocked my head to the side, my heart beginning to race.
"They had a pillow. They were trying to suffocate me."