Adea
Shane’s heat vibrated against mine. He fit perfectly. Everything had been going so well and now it felt like the ground beneath our feet was shaking. My natural instinct was to look at his lips, to reach out for him, to beg him to make it go away like he had in the truck on the way here. But the time for running had past, and this was a hurtle I couldn’t avoid.
There was nothing that could make me feel better about this situation. Images of Shane fucking a multitude of faceless, hot, nameless women flashed one after the other through my mind. No one could make me question my self worth, but when it came to him, Goddess, it was impossible to see how I could ever be enough. Beka walking into the space that’s supposed to be mine set flame to the gasoline that lay at our feet. But, of course, instead of making it better, Shane outright admitted he’d been with women. I wanted to laugh. Knowing he’d probably never turned anyone down until today left a bitter taste in my mouth. It didn’t matter if he thought of me when he was with them. He was still with them. Meanwhile, when the roles were reversed, I wasn’t allowed to be with anyone else. The fact I wasn’t a virgin when we finally fucked had pissed him off like no other. On top of that, he was an obsessive alpha who basically peed on me whenever another man was near me. And that’s just supposed to be fine?
“You’re such a hypocrite. You’ve gone mad, Shane.” My voice shook as I spoke and he flinched as if I’d struck him. His shoulders slumped, and he lowered his eyes. He shook his head before he looked at me again. This time when he looked at me, the anger seeped from his expression and desperation edged in. It shouldn’t have been possible to get closer, but somehow he did.
“Ady, baby. I’m not perfect. I’ve done all that I can.” I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips.
“Have you?”
“Yes.” It sounded like a plea, but I couldn’t just let it go. Steeling my resolve, I pushed forward. We needed to get through this. If we couldn’t, it only proved we weren’t supposed to.
“You’ve made it clear that you tried to make me remember. Did it ever occur to you to just love the woman in front of you? Or have you been chasing a ghost?” I whispered.
Silence fell over us, and I could feel myself shaking. I refused to look away. He searched my gaze before answering.
“I have. I’ve loved every version of you. I know it’s still fresh for you, but the others… were nothing. My soul was loyal to you. I’ve always only wanted you.” His words were a fierce promise as his fingers gripped my hips.
“Shane, I—”
“You asked. So let me finish,” he murmured as he pressed his forehead to mine. I nibbled on my bottom lip before nodding. Moving back, he lowered himself so we were eye to eye.
“It’s shitty, but I’ve got a few things to admit. I have taken advantage of your memory loss. Every new life was a blank canvas, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t paint the whole picture. I’ve used it to stay by your side for as long as I could. I have fucked more women than I can count. And yes, I’ve also fucked women in front of you to hurt you, but I haven’t done that in a long time. I was childish, jealous, and angry. So fucking angry. I was… petty in this life. Bitter from how the last one ended and… I was caught off guard by the changes in this one. It was cruel of me and I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to do that, but this existence of mine… is pathetic.”
I don’t know what I expected him to say, but an apology after the list of admissions of guilt wasn’t it. He’s hurt me in this life and all the others. I’ve said some mean things to him and I’ve also been with someone else. I knew he’d been with others, but just when I felt like I was putting that scene of him and Starr behind me, another woman walks into our space. What I can’t get over is the fact Shane said I’ve done just as much damage. More. Yes, I was with Chance, but if he hadn’t pushed me away, I know it never would have happened. But accusing me of doing something worse than sleeping with someone else? I just can’t see it.
“Am I the same?” I murmured. Straightening up, he stared down at me.
“What?” His forehead scrunched up and confusion stared back at me.
“Am I the same? Or am I a different person in every life?”
“You’re the same. You’re always the same.” He blinked and flashed a smile.
“Then I don’t see how that could be possible.”
“What could be possible?” he asked.
“There’s no way I could have dated anyone after meeting you. Unless you pushed me away like you did in this one,” I murmured
Shane’s eyes softened, and I swore the corners of his lips lifted.
“So you can accuse me of fucking my way through my pack, but won’t believe you’d date someone else?” he teased.
“We are not joking right now,” I groaned.
His eyes lit up and his shoulders shook as he chuckled.
“You started it,” he said teasingly.
“Shane, I’m serious,” I huffed.
“Okay, okay,” he murmured as he kissed the tip of my nose. I sighed as my heart tripped over itself.
“I need you to answer a question.”
“I’ll answer them all,” he promised.
I took a deep breath. He’d answer a lot of my questions, but I knew there was something he was hiding, or avoiding. He was dodgy when it came to certain things and I knew this was no different. Exhaling, I held his gaze.
“How did the last life end?”