After that, everything was a blur. I felt as if I was floating like a zombie the past few days. I didn’t get much sleep, and it was as if I had matured ten years in a span of ten days. I suddenly needed to handle adult stuff that I wasn’t ready for: meeting with the police, talking to lawyers, and handling a funeral.
Things happened quickly. And since an investigation was ongoing, and my father’s company was publicly listed, news of his death would hurt the company and, according to my uncle, my inheritance. He chose to have everything hushed. The funeral was opened only to blood relatives and there was no coverage on the media about it. We were also instructed not to talk to anybody without consulting with our lawyers first.
The worst part of it all, I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling. No matter how bad my relationship with my father was, no matter what a madman I thought he was, he was still my father. And it was never easy losing a parent. Up until now, a part of me was still hoping we could repair our relationship, that I could forgive him for everything he did to me.
My father was shot in the parking lot of one of our hotels. His wallet wasn’t missing, which meant that this was not robbery. It was murder. The security camera showed a man in a ski mask. The fact that my father was killed in our own hotel says a lot about the security protocols of our hotels. If word of this went out to the public, it would hurt the business.
Since I was too young and too inexperienced to take over the company, the transition of management would hurt our stocks. We didn’t know the motive of his murder, so we weren’t sure it ended there. My uncle was under the impression that I was in serious danger, too. I was constantly under surveillance and was not allowed to talk to anybody.
I wanted to call Nick; I wanted to see him. But I was scared for him, too. If I was in real danger, I’d want to be as far away from him as possible. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.
A day after the funeral, our lawyer read my father’s will. Most of his estates were left to me. A portion was left to my uncle and to Brett. Brett was to be groomed as the future CEO of the company, which I was so happy about. My uncle was to teach him everything about the business in the event of my father’s demise. In the future, if I want to, I can take whatever position I want in the company, except for CEO.
When the lawyer left, my uncle approached me, with a box in his hand.
“A few days before his death, your father and I had one of our long talks. Let’s just say that he was finally coming around. For the first time in my life, I heard him apologize. He told me about the will and what should happen to the company if… if this happened. And he wanted you to have this.”
“What is this?”
“He asked me to give it to you after your graduation. I think it was supposed to be your graduation gift. But he knew you won’t accept it if he was the one to hand it to you.”
The box contained airplane tickets to New York, an address, a brand-new phone, and a letter written in my father’s hand. I realized he wrote this before my graduation.
Mackenzie,
I know, I have a long way to go to earn your forgiveness. But I will start anyway.
I am truly sorry for commissioning your boyfriend to sweet talk you into changing you. In fairness to him, he did hesitate at first, but I told you, I was a master of manipulation. I pushed him to the wall, upped the stakes that made it impossible for him to say no. But he did anyway. After he met you, he came back and told me to go to hell. I admired him more for that. And if he was going to ask me for your hand someday, I would gladly give him my blessing. I do believe Nicholas Atkins had what it takes to give you the life I had imagined for you, and you know that my standards are very high.
I want you to know that I am very proud of you today. I was there at your graduation. I didn’t approach because I wasn’t sure you wanted me there. But when they called out your name, I have never been prouder.
I know that you are smart, and you have many talents. I also know that you may not have interest in running our company. Well, you didn’t have to worry about that. I won’t put pressure on you to run Clarke Hotels. Perhaps I should start grooming Brett to replace me someday. But of course, you will still own majority of the controlling shares of the company. You will inherit Clarke Hotels but that should not prevent you from doing what you love the most.
I know you are a talented chef. It runs in your blood. You were more like your mother, and I love you more because of that.
Perhaps, I should have showed you your last remaining connection to your mother much earlier. Maybe you wouldn’t hate me as much.
Now, I want to make it up to you.
For your graduation, I will give you something that I think you will appreciate more than anything I could give you. Something that may pave the way for us to mend our relationship.
Good luck.
Always remember, I love you.
Obviously, when my father wrote this letter, he didn’t plan on dying. He thought we had more time to repair our relationship. He had more time to make up for all the ways he treated me like shit. But fate decided that he had overstayed his welcome on Earth —at least in this lifetime, which he chose to spend making people miserable, most especially me.
I was confronted by mixed emotions. I felt the need to lock myself in my room in my uncle’s house. I wasn’t alone, I must admit. I was with companions who have provided me some amount of pain relief since I broke up with the love of my life—Mr. Jack Daniels and Mr. Jose Cuervo. And yes, I lost count of how many times I got wasted these days.
I felt the need to drink myself to oblivion. My father and I had a hopeless relationship. But perhaps it was the finality of it all, to know that even if he had accepted me, or if I had forgiven him, we would never be given a chance to mend our relationship anymore. I would never be given any chance to have a father that truly cared for me. It was over.
Or perhaps there was also guilt on my part. I felt that during the last days of his life, my father was reaching out to me, and I just didn’t give him a chance. I made it quite difficult for him to get through me, the way he made it difficult for me all my life.
My uncle wanted me to leave as soon as I could. He wanted me to cool down in New York while they try to figure out my father’s death. They wanted to make sure I was in no danger.
I didn’t know what fate awaited me in Manhattan, but I figured it could be the getaway I needed. Being home brought a lot of painful memories. Nick. My father. I haven’t even begun forgiving them both for what they did to me. And I lost them both already.
Maybe all I needed was a break, a time to get away. To find myself. To find forgiveness. To forget and start fresh.
***
His name was Austin Smith. I thought I’ve heard his name in the past but I was just not paying attention.
I never understood why my father gave me tickets to go to New York and meet Mr. Smith, while his letter talked about finally giving me what I wanted. I didn’t understand why this journey meant he was finally understanding me or paying attention to me.
Well, I never wanted to go to New York. I didn’t know what I would do there. I have heard Mr. Smith’s name in passing, but I had no idea who he was. So I had no clue why my father thought his graduation gift was what I needed.
But just out of curiosity, I packed my bags, checked in to the airport, and flew out.
When I landed and headed out the arrivals area, I spotted a lady holding up a sign with my name on it. I approached her. She smiled brightly at me and told me that I would be taken to Mr. Smith’s Brownstone Estate where I will be staying. A limo was waiting for me outside the airport.
Clearly, Mr. Smith was filthy rich. But I still had no clue what his connection to my father was and why I was going to stay with him.
I waited in the living room on the ground floor. The place was impressive. The interior was a combination of white and brown painted wood. The fireplace was massive. The brown parquet floor was shiny and spotless.
“Mackenzie?” I heard someone ask behind me.
I turned around and saw a slender guy with long blond bangs and undercut hair. He had stunning blue eyes, almost the same shade as mine. He was wearing a white jacket, white pants, and white sneakers, and I was reminded of my old self, because I used to dress like this. Not only that, but I swear I looked physically more like this guy than my own parents.
I blinked back at him. I couldn’t stop staring.
“I’m Austin,” he said.
“Who… who are you? And what am I doing here?”
He smiled at me. “You haven’t heard about me, have you?”
I shook my head. “I have no clue.”
“I’m actually your uncle.”
“What?” I asked in complete shock.
“Yep. Nobody talked about me. Nobody wanted to. I came to your family when my father—your grandfather—died. Nobody accepted me. I don’t blame them. My father just died. They were mourning. Pretty bad time to learn that he had sired a bastard son with an exotic dancer in one of his unsuspecting trips to Vegas.
“My mother died when I was very young. Her sister looked after me ‘til I was sixteen. When she died, I became a minor with no other living relative. Social services tracked down your family. Your grandmother was furious when she found out about me. Your mother, well, she was emotional and confused, she didn’t want to upset your grandmother even more. But she reached out to your father and asked if he could help me. That changed my life.”
“So, you’re telling me that my father kept you all this time and we didn’t have an idea?”
He shrugged. “I think he was trying to score points to your mother, trying to earn her back through me, showing her his good side. She didn’t bite the bait.”
“And yet you’re still here? He didn’t throw you out when he realized he couldn’t use you?”
That didn’t sound like my father at all.
“He kept me anyway. Put a roof over my head, gave me a car, sent me to the best school, gave me a capital to start my business. I would be nothing without him.”
“When my mother died, did you know about it?”
“I was at her funeral. Only your father knew me of course,” he replied.
“How well did you know my mother?”
“We spoke occasionally. She wasn’t really happy that I was well acquainted with your dad. But I couldn’t cut off my ties with your father. Without him, I would have been nothing.”
“You know what happened to my father?”
He nodded. “I spoke to your uncle. I wanted to go to his funeral. He advised me not to. He said the funeral was for blood relatives only. I would like to argue that I was family but hey! Not my place to say, huh.”
When I looked at him, I could see circles around his eyes; it looked as if he hadn’t slept for days. He looked devastated, though he was trying his best to welcome me. It occurred to me that he was grieving. This guy actually loved my father, maybe even more than I ever did.
“My father sent me these tickets as a graduation gift. I guess he wanted me to know you. You could be, after all, the last remaining connection that I have with my mother. And him.”
Mr. Smith shook his head. “No. He didn’t just mean that. He wanted you to stay for at least a year. Maybe more.”
“What?” One year or more?
He nodded. “Check your ticket. Return date should be next year. He wanted you to stay here longer. I made arrangements for the top floor. You will live here. You will find it to your comfort and privacy.”
“I don’t understand. Why would my father want me to stay here that long?”
“This estate is now mine, but he used to own this three years ago. I volunteered that you stay with me rather than your father arranging for another accommodation elsewhere. Here, I will be able to watch over you. I am your uncle after all. It is my responsibility to keep you safe while you’re in the city.”
“Okay, but that does not answer my question as to why I need to stay here for at least a year.”
Mr. Smith, or rather, Uncle Austin turned around and walked over to one of the shelves beside the fireplace. He took an envelope and handed it to me. It contained papers of my credentials and a letter of acceptance to one of the best culinary schools in the city.
I had to blink at least three times to make sure I read it right. That school was exclusive and expensive.
“That’s his real graduation gift. He told me that he had not paid attention to your talents and interests for far too long. With this, he hoped to end that.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. If my father was trying to make amends with me, this was a very good way to start.
“You’ll thrive in that school, I assure you. And it’s a few blocks away from the house. But if you need help getting around, I’ll assign Amanda, the lady who fetched you at the airport, and a limo at your disposal.”
I shook my head. “I don’t need an assistant. Maybe you don’t know me. But I didn’t live like my father did. I was more like my mother who used humble means to navigate through the city.”
He picked up my bags. “Noted. Come, I will show you the top floor. This is a four-bedroom building. I have been staying here since I was sixteen. Janice had been my caretaker since then. Your father hired her for me. When I got my business up and running, I told your dad that I would be the one to pay her salary. I offered to move out. After all, he was not my brother. He was the ex-husband of the half-sister who barely acknowledged me. I didn’t want to impose. I already owed him too much. But to my surprise, on my twenty-fourth birthday, he transferred to me the title of this estate.”
Unless I was imagining things, I thought this was the first time I ever heard somebody speak fondly of my father. But I couldn’t be mistaken. My uncle actually sounded sincerely thankful of my father’s existence. And judging his sleep-deprived look, I could tell that he had been mourning my father’s demise.
“Your father spoke often about you, you know,” Uncle Austin said.
“Let me guess. He referred to me as his useless lesbian daughter?”
He shook his head. “No. He just referred to you as Mackenzie.”
I stared at my uncle for a moment, not knowing if I should believe him or not. I realized how much we looked alike. He looked a lot like my mom, too. Maybe that was one of the reasons why my father kept him. I believed that up to the last moment of his life, my father was still so much in love with my mother. Uncle Austin reminded him of her. Although I looked like my mom, I reminded him of Isabella as well. That was why he hated me.
The room Uncle Austin showed me was massive. It had a king-sized bed in the middle of the parquet floor. It was much like the rest of the house: a combination of antique sentiments and contemporary accents.
“Who used to stay here?” I asked. I want to make sure I didn’t kick anybody out.
“This is the guest room. Your father stayed sometimes. When he visited and felt like getting wasted, he’d tell me over and over how he wished he’d done things differently with your mom. I lost count of the number of times he cried over ‘what could have been.’”
I stared back at him. I thought I saw tears well up in his eyes. It seemed as if he and I knew two different Robert Clarkes.
“Are you sure you’re talking about my father?”
He laughed humorlessly. “Positive. I guess there was a side of him that he didn’t let you see before. And recently, he wanted to change that. He wanted to do things right by you. I guess, he just thought he’d live longer.”
“He thought he was going to live forever,” I murmured. Because it seemed that was how long it would take for me to forgive him for everything he did to me.
“Anyway, I sleep in the bedroom on the second floor. Janice’s room is on the opposite end. You start school in two days. You rest for a while, and I will ask Janice to prepare your dinner. I need to be at work in two hours. I will be back around three in the morning. I guess we can continue this conversation tomorrow.”
I nodded. “By the way, should I call you Uncle Austin?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m barely five years your senior. Call me Austin. Or Oz.”
I nodded. “Okay, Austin. Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He nodded and then he turned to leave. Just as he reached the top of the stairs, I called out to him. “What do you do?” I was really curious. He looked as if he’s thriving, living like a rich bachelor. And he already said he was not taking any more financial assistance from my father. I was just curious about what he does.
For the first time, he gave me a smile that seemed to touch his eyes. And with a sense of pride, he replied, “Sweetheart, I own one of the biggest restaurants in the city.”
And just like that, I understood a little bit more about why my father thought living with Uncle Austin would help him score points with me.