Kitten,
It had been six months, ten days, three hours and thirty-three minutes.
I’m still waiting. Told you I would. Although I hope you never get tired of reading my letters. I will never get tired of writing them—until my last breath, remember?
Brett wouldn’t tell me where you are but assured me you were okay. Right now, there is nothing more I wanted to do but to come to you. Nope, I won’t even hug you if you don’t want me to. I just want to make sure you’re okay, make you feel that everything is going to be all right. You’re not alone. You will never be.
I love you, kitten.
Tears were rolling down my cheeks when I read Nick’s latest letter. Brett comes to New York to check up on me once a month. He brought a bunch of letters and trinkets from Nick since he didn’t know about my new address.
Nick was true to his word. He would not stop writing to me. He already said he was sorry. He gave me all the explanations in the world. He’d given me time to process and find it in my heart to forgive him. He’d been very patient.
New York, I must admit, was good for me. The minute I started culinary school, I knew I was doing something for myself. I was doing something right.
Austin took me to his restaurant, The O.Z. It was a wonderful, reservation-only place that has a wonderful, easy ambience and amazing fusion cuisine—all Austin’s own recipes. Politicians and celebrities alike were always trying to book a table in his restaurant.
Once a week, Austin allows me to work in his kitchen. On my first training day, I was in heaven. I knew I belonged there, in the kitchen. Someday, I will own a chain of restaurants. Nick was right. This was what I was meant to do. And I was beginning to thank my father for thinking of doing this for me—even if it was at the last moments of his life.
Now, to say that I am excelling in cooking school was a huge understatement. I was rocking it! I was getting along well with Austin, too. He was making me see my father in a different perspective. Each day, it was getting easier to forget the horrid things he did to me.
“You don’t have to forgive him,” Austin once said to me. “Sometimes, you just have to get rid of the bad memories so you can move on. And moving on is not something you do for the dead. It’s something you do for yourself.”
It was amazing how he had advised me to move on when it was clear to me that he still missed my father. I didn’t blame him. If my father was even half as good to me as he was to him, I would love him, too.
Austin putting good thoughts of my father in my head did help me move on with my life. He was right. I couldn’t keep hating my father to the point that it affected my future. It made it easier to accept my father’s help with my education. Isabella’s insurance money remained intact, which meant I would be able to use it to open up a small restaurant someday. Work it and then grow it.
One night, I was working late at The O.Z. Austin had an important meeting with an investor in Vegas. He trusted me to oversee everything while he was away.
By seven o’clock, people were pouring in and orders were coming by the minute. The sous-chef was sick. I was up by trial by fire. And I didn’t want to fail Austin. I didn’t want to fail myself.
By ten in the evening, we were managing. It was tough, but so far, so good. No complaints. Orders were arriving at the customers’ tables on time. There were a few mishits and mishaps but I got everything under control.
Except by eleven o’clock, there was one customer who complained about his steak being not well-done enough. He was asking for the chef.
“He’s being arrogant about it and told me that he will take this to social media unless he speaks to the chef,” the manager said.
“Austin’s not here,” I said in a frustrated voice. “I personally prepared that steak, and I know what well-done is.”
The manager shrugged, looking as if he couldn’t get out of this position. It sounded like a pesky customer.
“All right, I’ll go see him,” I said. I took off my hat and hair net and then headed out.
The guy was eating alone and he had his back to me.
“Excuse me. My manager said you wanted to speak to the chef?”
The guy turned around and I almost gasped when I saw his face.
“Holy freaking world, what are you doing here?”
Blaze Maguire smiled, flashing me his perfect set of teeth. Then he looked at me from head to toe and then back up again, scrutinizing my whole appearance.
“Mackenzie Clarke, my favorite girl in the world,” he said. “I was expecting…”
“Expecting what?”
He shook his head. “Never mind.” He leaned forward and gave me a hug. “How have you been? I see you’re finally living your dream of being a hotshot chef, huh. And quite impressive! Of all places, The O.Z.?”
“Well, I don’t work here officially. I’m only training with the owner and head chef. And tonight, I’m filling in for him since he’s out of town.”
“He seriously trusts you. It’s a weekend. Busy night. But we both know you can handle that.”
“So far, I had no complaints, save for you. Okay, you said your steak was not well-done—”
“I made that up. Steak’s perfect. I complained because I wanted to see the chef. I don’t have her number so I can’t call her to come outside.”
My eyes widened. He knew I was here?
“You’re… you’re kidding, right?”
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. So, what time do you get off? I’m only in town for the night. I was hoping we could have some drinks and catch up.”
Looking at Blaze made me remember Nick. Shit! I’m dying to hear about Nick. Brett won’t come back with his letters for three more weeks.
“We close at midnight. I usually stay two hours after while the guys clean up.”
“I can come back at twelve. We can have wine here while you supervise.”
I smiled at him. “That would be a good idea.”
Thankfully, the next hour until closing was peaceful. Blaze was back at the restaurant five minutes before midnight. We sat to have wine at a table by the corner.
“So, I can tell you’re doing great,” he said.
“Well, you caught me on a good day. You should have seen me six months ago.”
Blaze shook his head. “I didn’t know what happened to you six months ago, except that you broke up with my brother.”
“That. And more.”
“Okay, so what did happen to you? Nick had been tight-lipped about the whole thing but I could tell he took it hard. I saw him when he broke up with Margot, and most days he was quirky, as if it didn’t bother him at all. But with you, it was obvious he wasn’t sleeping well. He was distracting himself by taking in more work, bigger projects. By the way he was acting, I could tell he was the one who fucked it up. He refused to tell me anything. Of course, I understood why. I specifically warned him not to make a mistake with you.”
“He knows you were jesting, right?”
“Who said I was jesting?” He looked at me with a serious look on his face.
“Me. I know you’re a good guy and an even better brother. You, of all people, would adhere to the bro code.”
He laughed. “Right. You keep telling yourself that,” he said. “But seriously, what happened between the two of you?”
I sighed. I didn’t want to tell Blaze that Nick was initially hired by my father to turn me into acting like a girl. Well, it was actually funny I haven’t thought of Nick that way in a long time. It seemed that before tonight, I’ve forgotten how Nick and my dad met in the first place.
“I needed time.”
“You mean, he was going too fast, too soon, too much?”
I shook my head. “No. I love Nick. Nothing he does would be too much, too soon or too fast. It was me who needed to fix my issues with my father.”
“So, now did you fix your issues with your dad?”
There was a pinch in my chest. I suddenly felt sad. That was a good question. Did I fix my issues with my father?
I took a sip of the wine. “My father died a couple of months ago. Before we ever got a real chance to start fixing our issues.”
Blaze looked thoughtful for a while, but he didn’t say anything. If I had to guess, he was remembering his issues with his own father. Good. Maybe it was time he realized that he should do something about it. While he still had the time.
“So what about Nick?” Blaze asked. “Have you spoken to him? Did he know you moved to Manhattan?”
I shook my head. “He kept writing to me.”
“Great. Did you write back?”
I shook my head.
“Why?”
It was not really an easy question to answer. “At first, I needed time to process, fix my own issues, and my family’s. Then my father was murdered. My uncle tightened security around the whole family. My father’s case was closed just last week. He fired one of his employees—wrongfully. The guy was desperate because his wife had cancer and was undergoing regular chemo treatments. He needed the money and my father… it was the wrong time for him to be an ass to a guy who had everything to lose. My father had made many people miserable. It was almost his second nature. With the last one, he just reached his limit. Fate decided he had to go. But when I left for Manhattan, we didn’t know who really killed my dad so we were cautious. I was asked not to contact anyone for a time. I wanted to tell Nick. But I was also scared it would endanger him. Who knows what else my father had gotten himself into? And I would not be able to forgive myself if Nick got caught up with my father’s mess.”
“Nick’s more than capable of taking care of himself.”
“I didn’t know then who killed my dad. He had more powerful enemies and they could go after me or anybody associated with our family.”
“Now, what’s stopping you from telling Nick that there’s a chance that you two get back together?”
“I wanted to be sure I’m ready for that. When I come back to Nick, I want to be fixed. I don’t want to give him hope and then break his heart again.”
Blaze nodded. “Point taken. But how long are you going to make him wait?”
I have no definite answer to that. “Does he know I’m here? I mean, obviously, you found me.”
He shook his head. “I only ventured a guess here. I wasn’t entirely sure I’d find you. I saw your picture on the net. You looked different in that picture. Thought I’d check you out.”
“What picture?”
“It was of some celebrity’s birthday celebration here and it showed you getting chummy with them. Not a full picture; it was just a side view, but I knew it was you.”
I thought for a while. I did not recall being chummy with any celebrity. And I haven’t been a chef here long enough. “When you saw me, you had a weird look on your face.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. I saw that picture three weeks ago. I booked a table immediately. Didn’t realize it takes so long to get a table here. Your hair was too short then. Must be an old picture.”
“Well, depends how short you saw it the first time.”
“Short with an undercut. Maybe it wasn’t you.”
“Blonde hair, side undercut?”
He nodded.
“That wasn’t me, silly. It’s Austin. He owns this place. Austin’s my uncle. Yeah, we do look alike.”
“Oh, that makes sense now,” Blaze said.
“So… how is he?”
“Seriously, baby girl? You think I asked you for drinks so you could keep tabs on my brother?”
“Maybe not,” I murmured. “But I’m asking anyway.”
He sighed. “He’s submerged in work. I think he’s up twenty-four seven. He got a new client and he was busy working on renovation designs. He barely speaks to us but at least he’s in London more often, much to Mother’s happiness, and to Beatrice’s dismay.”
“Beatrice doesn’t like Nick that much, huh?”
“Bee’s a brat. She doesn’t even like me, her brother in flesh and blood. How could we expect her to be fond of the guy who wasn’t related to us by blood at all, who instantly won the heart of our father, and constantly bossed us around as if we were a bunch of ten-year-olds? Not that we don’t deserve it once in a while.”
“But you? You love Nick.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Why? I mean, usually stepbrothers tend to compete.”
“Who said we don’t compete?” he asked in a mischievous tone.
“Well, maybe you do. But I know you genuinely love him.”
Blaze shrugged. “It wasn’t easy at first. My father loved Nick instantly. And why not? Nick was the perfect son. But whenever my father voiced out his disappointment in me, my stepmother was quick to come to my defense. Over the years, Mom showed me the same affection my father showed Nick. I’ve grown to love her. I didn’t have a mother growing up, you know. Over time, I learned to love Nick, too. Especially considering the number of times he saved me from trouble, or stood up for me in front of my own father. I’d trust Nick with my life. He wouldn’t do me over.”
“And you’re here because you wanted to see if there’s still a chance that we get back together?”
“You can’t blame me for looking out for my brother. He’s gotta know if there’s hope in what he’s doing or if he’s just wasting his time and uselessly antagonizing everybody around him. Not that I don’t enjoy him putting Beatrice in her place.”
“He’s in London most of the time?” That got me worried. The last time we were in London, Margot was living with the Maguires.
Blaze nodded. He watched the worried expression on my face and then he chuckled.
“Take your time. But please, for Christ’s sake, baby girl! Call him! Write to him. Give him a boon! He doesn’t deserve being kept in the dark.”
I took a deep breath. Blaze was right. Nick must have written to me at least twenty-four times but I never wrote back. He tried to call me and text me, but I haven’t used the number he gave me in at least five months. He wouldn’t know how to reach me. And I doubted Brett would help him, knowing he and his dad were so engrossed in my father’s case, and the transition of the company that he left behind.
“I’m studying here. I’ve got a couple more months to go before I finish course so I can’t be distracted,” I said. “We’d be far away from each other. I don’t believe in long distance relationships.”
“And you’re making this decision yourself? I mean, doesn’t he have a say on this, too? And who said you needed to resume where you left off?” Blaze asked. I could tell he was getting a little perplexed about the situation. “You could catch up, and then take it as slow as you can. He’s waited six months. I think he can wait six more. As long as you let him know what’s going on with you. My brother loves you. He’ll take a risk for you. Besides, you said your father’s murder case had been solved, right?”
“You’re right. But I need just a little bit more time. Then I’ll call him,” I promised.
“You do that,” Blaze said. Then he looked at the time. It was already two in the morning. “I gotta go. I have a plane to catch.”
“You went here just to have dinner at my uncle’s restaurant and to tell me to give your brother a chance?”
“Of course not!” he denied. His tone was slightly defensive. “I also visited one of my lady friends in the city.”
“You mean, you also had sex with one of your fuck buddies in the city?”
“Shh…” he said, looking slightly offended. “They’re called friends with benefits.”
I laughed. “Okay, FWB.” Blaze reached for his pocket to pay for our drinks. “Forget it. Drinks are on me.”
He put several hundred-dollar bills on the table. “I have never let a woman pay for my drinks, baby girl.” He stood up from his seat and picked up his coat. “So, I’m getting a cab. I can drop you off.”
I shook my head. “I will close up; it will take a while. Austin always arranges for a limo to pick me up and take me home.”
“That’s good. So, I guess I’ll get going. Please think about what I said.”
I nodded. I leaned forward and gave him a hug. He hugged me back and whispered in my ear, “I’m tempted to ask you for your number.”
“I’ll give it to you,” I said when I pulled away.
Blaze shook his head. “No. It’s better we don’t have each other’s numbers. I’d be tempted to call you, ask you out when we’re in the same zip codes. I’ve never crossed my brother before. But with you, I might be tempted to make an exception.” He winked at me before heading toward the door. Just before exiting the restaurant, he turned to me and said, “And don’t worry. I kicked Margot out of the house after Nick’s birthday lunch several months ago. And you know, Nick is faithful. But he deserves something to hold on to.”