“I still wear the gold band on my left hand. It’s a part of me now, I never take it off.” I pause, wondering how to finish, “The rest isn’t all that important. Not in regard to our current situation, anyway.”
Perched on the chest at the foot of my bed, I look toward Jack. With my long story concluded, I shut my mouth, waiting. Jack is silent for some time, sitting in the armchair by the mantle. When I can no longer bear the quiet, I decide to break it.
“Jack, what are you thinking? Your silence is killing me.”
“I guess, I’m just having a hard time accepting all this. I’m really trying my best. It’s just so unbelievable, isn’t it? I mean, think about it from my perspective. But, it explains what you see in me. You think I’m what, Julien reincarnated?” he sounds slightly annoyed.
“I think you are, but really don’t know, Jack. And maybe it doesn’t even matter.”
“It matters. Would you have wanted me if I had looked nothing like him? I wonder if you would have given me a second glance.”
I’m a little taken aback, wondering if he missed the entire point of the story. I just bared my soul to him. The only people on the planet who fully know all of this, are Annie and Alexandre. I try not to be defensive.
“Of course, I would have. Okay, it’s true I was initially attracted to you because of the resemblance. But, Jack, you’re different. Your personality, I mean. I have fallen in love with you, with who you are.” I try to convince him, but he appears unmoved by my plea.
“The fact remains, that you wouldn’t have given me a shot had I not resembled your dead lover.”
“Hold on. I can’t believe you’re angry. I just shared my very personal story with you, a story that, before you, was only known by a grand total of two people.”
I can’t believe his reaction, actually I am borderline offended.
Jack takes a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry. This sort of thing doesn’t happen to me every day. My girlfriend is a vampire and I may be her reincarnated 18th century lover, who was murdered by her husband. Kind of a lot to take in. I love you, Millicent, I do. I’ve never felt anything like it.”
“But,” I prompt him. He just told me he loves me, shouldn’t that be what we’re focusing on?
“I guess the but is, I’m afraid you fell for me for the wrong reasons. And now that I really think about it, what kind of future can we have?”
“We can have any future we want. Have you not been paying attention?”
I’m getting mad and feel my neck heat up. Vampires can and do have very human reactions, sometimes.
“I’m so much older than you as it is. Physically, anyway.” I narrow my eyes as he tries to explain his reasoning further. “I’m a thirty-eight-year-old man. By all appearances, you are a twenty-four-year-old woman. I’m going to go downhill quickly, while you remain as you are.”
“One of the points of telling you this story, and revealing myself as immortal, is to lay out the possibility of you becoming immortal, too. I guess I didn’t make that clear. I don’t have to lose you, again.”
The look on his face frightens me. Oh, shit. I probably should have left out that last part.
“You do think I’m Julien.”
“I didn’t mean to say that, really. You are Jack, your own unique person. What I meant was, I don’t have to lose love, again.”
Jack doesn’t answer right away. He stands up with his hands on his hips and takes a turn around the room. This is another way in which Jack differs from Julien. Julien didn’t need much time to gather his thoughts and measure his words, he just spoke.
“I need air.” And with that, he’s gone.
Jack couldn’t bolt out of the house fast enough. Humans have no need for preternatural speed when faced with fight or flight.
I’m an idiot. What made me think he would accept anything I told him? Did I think he would just take it all in, say “Cool!”, and flop on the bed to be drained of blood and filled back up again? Just like that? I guess I did. Disappointment floods my body.
When I walked to that stone cabin two centuries ago, it was as if I knew what I was walking toward. I felt no fear, I never questioned it. It felt like a natural progression of events from start to finish. Destiny. If Jack doesn’t feel it, then maybe this wasn’t his destiny. If I force immortality on him, he will hate me forever. I know I can’t do that. He must choose for himself. Even if he doesn’t choose a forever with me. And if I turn him, what will Alexandre do? I suspect he will forgive me, being generally all talk, but who knows?
With dawn only moments away, I don’t have time to think. Going to bed thinking about a positive outcome is a sure way to make one come about, right? Keep telling yourself that.
Exhausted, I leave my clothes in a pile and slip into my bed.
I wake the next evening to no news. Checking my phone, I see not a single individual, mortal or immortal, has attempted to contact me. My heart is heavy at the realization Jack hasn’t reached out at all. Way to leave a girl hanging.
A sharp knock at my door makes me jump about ten feet. Alexandre enters wearing an amused smile, I quickly drag my sheet up to my chin.
“A startled vampire. What’s become of you, Mills?”
I am in no mood to banter. “What do you want, Alexandre. Come to gloat?”
“Oh, come now, Mills. I am sorry you are sad, genuinely. I won’t tell you I told you so. Humans are inferior, very rarely does one come upon a mortal who can mentally handle all this. Trust me, it’s better this way.”
“Right, as you’ve said before.”
“Think of our family. Annie and you were special. Uniquely suited to this existence. I have seen mistakes made. Mortals unable to handle the change for an eternity. You have to be very careful.”
“Yes, I understand. I’d like to know some other facts, right now. The detectives showing up in the middle of the day, and James showing up with a gun, distracted me from talking to you about the note. Also, why do you keep disappearing?”
My sadness turns into boiling anger.
“I’ve simply been giving you your space to get over this obsession, once and for all. As to the warning and the note, they were not meant to be threatening, merely an urge to use caution. It is moot now, so we can just forget about it and move on.”
“Forget it? The centuries must be making you as mad as a hatter. There is no way I will ever forget it. You should know me better, after all this time. Please, get out.”
Even though I keep my voice even and don’t yell, I know I sound murderous.
Alexandre blankly looks at me for a minute, then gets up and moves away.
Before opening the door, he says with his back still turned, “Don’t forget who helped you that fateful night, and who has done nothing but love and shelter you, ever since. You’ve never been easy to live with, Mills.”
No kidding. I have suffered through long bouts of melancholy, bleak periods when I was nothing but a storm cloud. They suffered along with me. However, I have also experienced moments of joy. During those times I’ve been almost fun, I’m sure of it. I know at least Annie would agree, and right now, that’s all I care about.
Leaving my room, I hear Alexandre in his, actually singing to himself. Something occurs to me. Alexandre has always been at his highest when I’m at my lowest. Thinking back through the endless years, the truth sits like lead in my stomach.
When I am happy, when I have a lover, and when I am enjoying myself, he is the miserable one. It’s also when I’m sad, lower than low, I spend the most time with Alexandre, occasionally accepting him as a lover. Shortly after he changed me, we were lovers for maybe fifty years. I was in such pain then, feeling my only opportunity for real love had come and gone. I craved the companionship of a man, which Alexandre provided. He doted on me. It didn’t hurt that physically, the man resembled Poseidon, and was not only god of the sea, but god of the sack.
He was a wonderful distraction. I didn’t love him in a romantic way, nor did he speak to me of romantic love. Part of me wonders if Annie was right. Had Alexandre loved me all this time? It’s more likely he simply sees me as his creation, his eternal doll, as if possessive of a beloved toy.
Whatever the reason, I am not going to play games with him. Perhaps it’s time I move on from Alexandre, out of his shadow I have comfortably hidden in for so long. There’s no reason why I cannot make it on my own.
However, the prospect of another two and a half centuries alone is daunting.