Kacie
I’ll hurt you.
I don’t want to hurt you.
I don’t want to hurt him. I wouldn’t hurt him. The urge, no, the need to make sure I don’t hurt him runs through my veins as the idea of burning him strikes me hard in the chest. It’s like an ice cold bucket of water and I feel like I’ve jolted awake from a dream. The flames protest against my will as my mind refuses to hurt the man in front of me. For the first time since becoming aware I look at him. My eyes wander over black hair, a sharp jaw, and full lips. Dark tired eyes filled with worry stared down at me. My mate reaches for me a second time and this time I extinguish the flames with the flick of my wrist as realization dawned on me.
My mate.
He’s okay.
He’s alive.
If my mate is here than why am I so hurt?
My does my heart bleed?
I lean in toward him and his hand gently grazes over my cheek, his shoulders relaxed, and relief stared back at me. I was safe. I was in one piece. I had survived. If he hadn’t gotten my attention things would have been bad, they would have been dangerous. I had been so close to doing something terrible. I had been close to doing something unforgivable. I’d been on the precipice of burning the world to the ground.
Who was that?
Tears filled my eyes as I stared up into Viktor’s dark eyes. The haze has lifted from his eyes but he’s still not all there. I close my eyes and look down at my hands. My eyes trail over to Viktor’s wrists. They are bruised, cut, and bleeding. I almost killed everyone here. I almost killed my mate.
What was the reason for my anger?
What drove me to this?
What is the reason for me to lose a grip on the flames?
What caused me to let go enough to want to destroy everything?
What was the reason for my anguish?
Someone sobbed by my side and I turned to look at her. Clara’s shoulders shook with her tears. I watched as she lowered herself to the ground, tears streamed down her cheeks, sobs wracked her body. The clogs in my head churned as piece by piece started to fall back into place. I felt like all of the wind had been knocked out of me as everything came rushing back in all at once. Inhaling sharply, air filled my lungs, and I let out a cry. Tears ran from my eyes and the bleeding in my heart continued. I froze as I felt eyes on my back. They bore into my back and into my soul.
Jake.
No.
Disbelief courses through me as I hate myself for somehow forgetting. In one swift movement, I turned from Viktor and my sisters and looked behind me as I search for him. I scrambled forward, lifted my leg, and pushed myself forward. Adrenaline pumps in my veins with the need to be by his side. I needed to get back to him, needed to hold him. Despair fills my lungs as his death replays in my mind. I needed to make sure he was warm. I had left him on the cold wet ground.
I had gotten revenge, we had killed the elders, and I could go back to him now. Footsteps behind me alerted me to Viktor following me, but quickly they set off in a different direction. I looked to him as he fell to his knees. No one was as important as Jake. Where was he going? Who was it? I watched as he lifted a limp form from the floor. Clumps of mud were in her hair and blood smeared her face but I knew who she was as soon as I saw her. His hand shook as he held her and cried into her shoulder. My heart hurts with the loss of another family member. Clouds roll in as tears form in my eyes.
Jamie is dead.
I can’t stop now.
I need to get to him.
I can’t leave him alone.
He needs me right now.
I can’t leave him alone.
I turn from Viktor and his sister, he doesn’t notice this time as I run toward our mate. His body lays where I left it and a sob dies in my throat as I approach him. All of that running and my feet are cautious now that I’ve made it back to him. A shadow falls over the land as the clouds form above us. Thunder rumbles but I can’t stop now. I can’t look away. I need to see him. I need to feel him. I need to make sure.
The sound of the mud suctioning to the bottom of my shoes with each step fill my ears. I swallow as I come to a stop a few feet away from him. I stare at my mate as I realize he hasn’t moved since I left him. For once since I stepped onto this battle field, I’m allowed to feel. For the first time since the golem crushed Jake in it’s hand, I’m allowed to cry. Every emotion I’ve repressed since Nyx told me it wasn’t the time hits me like a punch in the gut.
Loss.
Fear.
Sadness.
I closed the distance between us until I stood above him. Jake lay on the floor just as I’d left him. He looked like he was sleeping. He didn’t look like he wouldn’t take another breath. He didn’t look like he was gone. I fell to the ground beside him. Tentatively, my fingers hovered over his body as I tried to come to terms with what I was seeing. It hadn’t been a dream, it had been real, all of it. A cry from my belly, from my soul fell from my lips as I leaned down and put my head to his chest.