- So, where to? - He opens the door for me and helps me in.
- I have one idea; I hope you’ll like it. - I smile and try to relax.
It's October outside. It's still quite warm, but nature is already showing that the cold will soon come. And you know, this weather state completely matches my inner state. I used to think that there was always summer in me, but in reality, I have always been autumn. I have always been too cold for those who love warmth and too warm for those who love winter. I have always been gloomy, unpredictable, and capable of doing what others don’t expect from me. I have always been like this, but I never admitted it. And now, after everything that has happened, I am finally true to myself.
I look at the man who loves me and wonder if he can accept me as I am. Not the Amanda who was on the beach seven years ago, who believed in true love, who cried over the pain inflicted upon her, who couldn't escape the golden cage. Can he accept the Amanda who isn't afraid, who feels almost nothing, but is ready to burn down the whole world for the person she loves? Is he ready to accept the Amanda who will step over others to achieve her goals and will never forgive anyone for the offense?
He looks at the road, and I realize that there are no fewer thoughts in his head right now, but I don’t ask anything. We just drive on. We drive in silence, as if each of us is immersed in our own world.
- We’ve arrived. - Adam's voice sounds soft and anxious as we get out of the car. I notice our beach.
- God, I haven't been here in so long. - These are genuine emotions because I didn’t expect we would come here.
- I thought it wouldn’t be bad to change the memories of this place. After all, it’s where we met. - A smile appears on my face. I remember that chance encounter when I thought he was some sort of maniac. And then I spent a week reminiscing about that meeting, about the man with unusually dark eyes. And I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t leave my mind.
- So, what’s the plan? - I look at Adam, who is starting to smile.
- Come on, I’ll show you everything right now. - We walk towards the spot where we used to love sitting when we came here at night. Of course, it was much warmer then. And now, holding the hand of the man with whom we’ve been through so much, I feel warmth. This warmth comes from within. And it somewhat dissipates the darkness in my mind. But it cannot conquer it. I understand that now. We approach a pre-prepared space.
- Adam, did you do this? - My joy knows no bounds. He prepared everything for a romantic evening. He even lit candles. This is so unlike him.
I never thought that a man like Adam Kelly could do something like this.
- Yes, Kitten, it’s me. I want to make you happy. - He approaches me and hugs me. I want to bury myself in his embrace and never, ever come out. A moment of weakness that I will regret for a long time because I have no right to feel sweetness, the desire to escape. No more.
- Well then, may I invite you on a date? - Adam takes my hand and leads me to our little picnic. I smile and follow him. And until almost dawn, we just sit, talk, drink wine, and recall everything that has happened to us over the years we spent apart. You know, I even forget for a moment what lies ahead. That there's a partner's ball coming up where I'll finally address the situation with Kirk. That I have a meeting with a very unpleasant character. But right now, it doesn't matter. Right now, it’s just me and Adam.
The man turns to me, runs his fingers across my lips. He leans in very close, then whispers:
- I love you, Kitten. And I will always love you. - My heart skips a beat at his words. I don’t know why it evokes such a reaction. He’s said this before. But only now do I realize how much these words mean.
- And I love you, Adam. And I will love you, no matter what happens. - I kiss him as if it’s the last time, as if tomorrow we might not have each other.
I surrender to this kiss, not knowing that the next few days will change our lives forever. And whether our love will withstand it remains unknown to me. Because I’m not one of those idealists who believe that love can survive anything. No, it cannot survive everything.
Love can be ruined by lies.
Love can be ruined by betrayal.
Love can be ruined by two broken people.
And if the Amanda loved by Adam breaks completely, can he ever love another? I am not sure.
I kiss the man, hoping to find an answer in his words. But the closer he pulls me to him, the more the pain deep in my chest grows. And I don’t know if we can continue to be together. I don’t want to think about us having to part ways. But remaining close to Adam while hurting him or completely destroying him—I am not ready. I will never be the one to break him. No, enough. Let me be the broken one between us. I can no longer be put together. And I don’t want to do that anyway. I like this Amanda. The Amanda who can simply live without feeling doubts, pain, and worries.
I kiss Adam and simply drown in him, trying to push all thoughts out of my head. Suddenly, we are distracted by a phone call, almost at dawn. And I hear a voice I certainly did not expect to hear:
- Hello, sister, did you miss me?..