Alphas heal fast.
That's something I knew but I never thought they'd heal this fast. Cassian was up and doing all sorts of things in just two days. My omega still felt restless whenever we saw him running around doing things.
The instinctual protectiveness caused my anxiety to rise whenever he set off to the training ground with the wounds not fully healed. No one else seemed phased about Cassian's injury.
It wasn't surprising as the several scars littered around the alpha's body were enough to tell me that they'd seen him battered and bruised plenty of time to grow nonchalant.
But nothing was enough to calm my omega though. Even a little bit of scratch on Cassian's skin was enough to make that thing worry. I felt restless whenever Cassian was around because my wolf kept pacing around in my head, pushing me to tend his wound. It took a lot of energy to fight that urge away.
The wounds have now turned into nasty scabs and I can tell it was hurting him whenever he stretched his body or put on his clothes. Sometimes I could hear him cursing when the clothes got hooked on the scab and pulled it off accidentally while he was taking them off.
I wanted to help but I willed myself not to.
Even if my wolf was now present, it didn't interact much with Cassian, always laying low whenever we were in his presence by not spiking our scent or anything. I understand it and Cassian understood it too. He wasn't pushy about anything.
"Ahem…"
I jumped out of my thoughts at the sound of someone clearing their throat. I didn't realize I was too lost in my head to see Cassian entering the room.
The alpha gave me a tight smile when I looked at him. "Umm…I wanted to give this to you…" He said softly and extended his hand towards me. My eyes fell on the golden fur in them before I looked up at him.
"It's the mountain lion." He clarified when he saw my questioning gaze. "I made a coat out of it for you." Cassian swallowed as he said.
My omega perked up at the information.
I looked at it for a moment, my eyebrows furrowed. Cassian saw my hesitance. "The final courting gift is usually a fur from the biggest animal the alpha could kill…I…this isn't the biggest animal I could kill…and this isn't the final courting gift. I just…I just thought that the fur would suit you….so I didn't want it to go to waste…" He explained and looked at me expectantly.
I sighed and nodded while taking the fur from his hands. It was soft under my touch and just one look at it was enough to know that it was sewed and crafted skillfully.
"You made it?"
Cassian nodded. "It took some time because I had to study how to sew perfectly." He chuckled.
My omega purred inside me. Happy that the alpha made a fur for us. Happy that he learned a skill to make it perfect for us.
I caressed the fur with my thumb for a moment. "Why are you doing this?"
"Huh?"
I looked up to meet his gaze. "Why are you doing this?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean! Why are you doing all this?! This courting, gifting, and all this!" I breathed out, slightly raising my voice. I had this question eating me from the inside. Why is he doing this? Why is he doing this only now?!
"Because I want to court you, Ivy."
"Cassian, I need you to fucking stop. This is not a joke and I am not an experiment subject you can use to bring out my wolf."
"What are you talking about?" Cassian frowned. "I'm doing all this because I want to be with you!" His voice rose a little higher, causing me to flinch. I saw his expression soften the moment he saw my reaction. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to raise my voice." He shook his head. "Oh goddess, I don't know what to say, Ivy. And I don't know how to make you believe but I'm telling the truth. I genuinely want to be with you. I can't lose you…Ivy. I cannot…"
"Is it really because you like me or is it because you feel like you would not survive if you lost another mate?"
Cassian froze and I saw a jolt of pain passing through his face for a moment before he looked down. "Ivy…I think we really need to talk about my…. previous mate." He gave me a tight-lipped smile while lifting his head. My stare was cold as I watched him move. Cassian sat down on the bed and then patted the area beside him. "Can you sit here? Let's talk."
I crossed my arms. "Talk,"
Cassian blew out a sigh and nodded. "I…I don't know where to start," He chuckled before biting his lips, staring down at the carpet on the floor for a moment before opening his mouth again. "Avery was the daughter of an Alpha of one of our ally packs. Her father was a good friend of my dad. We met when we were kids and…. I knew from that moment that she was meant for me…" He talked, a small smile playing on his lips as reminisced about his first mate. I swallowed thickly. I knew I shouldn't feel jealous but something in my chest burned. "She was like my best friend and we were so close that everyone already knew that we were going to be mated. Like it wouldn't make sense for us to be with anyone else." He chuckled.
"So it wasn't a surprise when it finally happened. I thought I wouldn't be able to love her any more than I had already been but the mating bond did things to me. She made me grounded. She gave me purpose. She gave me everything. I was whole with her…"
I took in a shaky breath as he talked. Cassian's eyes whipped towards me as soon he heard the small tremble in my breathing. His smile disappeared immediately. "Are you okay?"
"Go on," I ignored his question. Cassian was silent for a moment before he continued. I thanked the heavens for not breaking out into tears. I feel selfish for feeling this way. He's talking about his previous mate. Of course, he would love her. That's how it is supposed to be. But the burning inside my chest only increased when I remembered the fact it wasn't the same with me.
"She was an alpha… We were soon titled Alpha and Luna of this pack. It was a grand event. Two alphas ruling a pack is always good news. It made new allies. It made our pack grow big. But as our pack grew so did our enemies. Rogue attacks turned out to be a frequent occurrence. We had to keep an eye out for the hunters all the time. We are a big pack with a lot of warriors so they couldn't touch us for years. I made sure of that. But we never expected the betrayal to come from the people we once helped…." Cassian gritted his teeth, nails digging into the mattress as he spoke.
"Avery was…Avery was killed by a young wolf….barely eighteen…She was teaching her self-defense. We didn't know she was a hunter disguised as a refugee…They then started their attack… I couldn't even properly defend my pack because….my mate….She was gone. When I saw her on the ground, lifeless…I-I couldn't even say goodbye… I couldn't even cry properly." Cassian's voice strained as he spoke and my omega howled inside me as we watched our mate cry.
"I felt dead. At that moment…nothing mattered. She was gone and I felt like my life ended too. My wolf went berserk, trying to find a connection to our mate. We both knew we weren't going to find it because the moment she died, we felt it break. The heartstopping wave of pain that washed over me is something I would never forget…"
"I let my alpha take over after that. To hunt…to kill…to butcher every single one of them." He sneered. "Everyone thought I'd die soon. I thought so too. But I didn't. I thought my wolf's need for vengeance was keeping me alive so I killed, killed, and killed as many as I could in the hope that I'd get to be with my mate soon if my wolf was satisfied by the revenge. But… it didn't happen. And as I lived I watched my pack gain their hope back too. I was still their leader. I couldn't abandon them. That's the only thing that kept me going until…." He looked at me with a small smile.
"I didn't ever think you would happen to me, Ivy. When I first saw you, I felt so drawn to you. And I hated it. Because you reminded me so much of that girl who killed my…She was a rogue, young as you. I just…it felt so wrong. I don't know how to say it but it felt like I was betraying Avery when I found out you are my mate. After that, everything I did was to get rid of that guilt."
"I admit that I never thought of you as anything more than a rogue at first but that soon changed. I saw how you helped the people around you even though they were not nice to you. I saw how strong you are. I saw how kind you are. And somewhere in the process of hating you, I fell in love with you." He chuckled and I stared at him wide-eyed. "I didn't have the guts to admit it because I was in denial."
Cassian stood up, taking hesitating steps towards me. "Ivy, when you said you can't feel the bond that day…I felt like I was back on the ground once again, clutching my chest as I felt the last bit of connection I had with Avery fade away. It scared me. I didn't want to put you through something like that. I'll never put you through something like that. I'm sorry…"
Taking Cassian's features in, I was left speechless as I watched him. His lips were dry, eyes red, and cheeks wet from tears as he stared at me pleadingly. I don't think anyone has ever seen him like this.
"I don't expect you to forgive me but I'm sorry. I want to make this work because I love you." He smiled, lifting up his hand to touch my cheek but then stopped himself from doing that. "Take some rest, okay? I must've overwhelmed you with my confessions. I'll give some room to think." He ran a hand on his face before giving me a soft smile. Cassian looked embarrassed.
I stared at him silently as he walked out of the room. He was right. All this time I was just hearing him. I couldn't comprehend a lot of things. I was too overwhelmed.
It was my first time seeing Cassian be so vulnerable. He always appeared to be a tough alpha who let nothing get to him. I cannot believe I saw him cry.
It felt like a new version of Cassian was opened up to me.
And he…he loves me?