The second courting gift I received was a basket full of blankets, neatly arranged and decorated with flowers. They were left on my side of the bed a few days after the first courting gift. It was obvious that Cassian took his time to scent all of them from the way they were drenched in his pheromones. He didn't ask why I didn't use it this time when I pushed it into the far corner of the closet but it wasn't hard to see that he was hurt by it.
The third gift was freshly baked pastries. I don't know where he got it from but this time he didn't leave it on the bed, instead handed it to me personally. It brought back the familiar feeling of something warm in my chest but it didn't last long and I tried my best to hide how it affected me. It was a nauseating feeling like something inside me was in a constant fight with itself.
In the following days, I found it hard to be away from Cassian's line of vision. Somehow his eyes always seemed to find me whenever we were in the same place. I rivaled his gaze with a piercing glare which often made him look away after a few moments.
The fourth one happened when I was getting ready for bed. He came into the room and I knew something was up from the way he started pacing around the room, cleaning up, and moving things even though the room was clean and everything was where it needed to be. After a while, I got annoyed and told him to cut it out which made him stop and come clean. He pulled out a small necklace from his pocket that had a single sapphire stone as the locket.
Cassian offered to help me wear it but I refused politely. I didn't fail to catch the obvious disappointment on his face when I put it away. I would be lying if I said it didn't tug on my heartstrings and I did feel a strong wave of longing inside my chest which then caused goosebumps to rise on my skin. That was the first moment I felt my omega so strongly after it went into hiding.
But none of that was enough to make me forgive Cassian. He deserves all the hostility I give him for making me go through worse just because I wanted to be with him.
The second time my omega made her presence known was when Cassian hunted a stag as the fifth courting gift. There were a lot of people around when he dragged the big animal and presented it to me by dropping it at my feet. I was speechless for a moment before a spur of happiness and pride surged through me when my omega pushed forward. I knew Cassian felt it too by the way his wolf eyes widened and gleamed before he lifted his head and puffed out his chest.
My wolf was happy even though it refused to make its presence known strongly. It's instinctual for omegas to feel pride and happiness when their alphas show off their abilities to provide and protect.
But that's all it was. Instincts.
___
"Ivy, eat your food. It's the stag your mate caught. Cassian was adamant about feeding you this today." Stella's laughter filled the dining room, causing me to force a smile.
"It's delicious," I replied with a tight smile. It didn't take me long to finish my food and sneak back into our room. This was the time I looked forward to every day. Escaping the crowd and slipping under a warm blanket to bury myself in the fantasy world inside a book was peaceful. It was the only time my mind felt free of the burdens.
I curled up on the couch, feeling warm and content with my precious book in my hand. Reading a book was the only kind of escapism I had since I couldn't shift and go for a run in the woods. I've never tried to do it after my wolf went away. To be honest I'm scared to try. If I cannot shift, I'm sure I will lose my mind so I try not to think about it and make myself believe that I can shift. It might be a lie but it keeps me sane.
Soon after I opened the book, I was lost in it. Lost in the magical world of dragons and mermaids where everything seemed ten times more beautiful. Where mates were cherished and people did everything for love and to be loved. Envy simmered in my mind, brewing a kind of hate out of jealousy for the characters that got the perfect love story. One that I cannot have.
I don't know when I fell asleep. Usually, I'm not one to sleep on the couch since it gives the worst kind of neck pain now that I got used to the comfortable mellowness of the king-size mattress and soft pillows. But my sleep was interrupted by a soft warmth enveloping me and then the scent of wild herbs drowning me. It didn't take long for me to come out of my sleepiness and realize that the warmth I felt was the hands of my mate wrapping around me and the scent was so strong because my nose was practically buried right where the source of it was.
Cassian walked slowly and carefully while I stayed pliant in his arms, keeping my pretense to be asleep. He deposited me onto the bed gently and grabbed the blanket, delicately covering me with it. I felt him pause for a moment, his scent spiking lightly. A few seconds later I felt the feather-light touch of his lips on my forehead which made my nose twitch and eyelids flutter. It was gone as soon as it came, causing a familiar feeling of longing and emptiness to bloom in my chest.
"I'm sorry…." I heard him mumble, voice so soft like he didn't intend anyone to hear it. Like he just wanted to say it out to relieve his heavy heart. "It hurts to have you so close and not be able to hold you… It hurts so much…. I know it hurts you too…so I'll try harder. I'll set things right. I won't give up as long as I live, my omega. I promise,"
I kept my eyes closed and prayed to the goddess that he wouldn't see my lips trembling. His words are painful to listen to but it's not enough to soften me. It's not enough to erase the hurt I've felt. I've gone through worse than this where I slept most days tired from crying because even though I had my mate beside me I couldn't be with him. There were days when I hated myself for being young, for being a rogue, and for not being enough. I hated myself for everything I couldn't control because my mate refused to look at me as his other half.
Even if he might not understand it wholly, I still want him to at least get a taste of the bitter things I had to endure. Alphas are strong, right? He'll be alright.
____
"Ivy…"
"Hmm?" I hummed, not taking my eyes off the task at hand. There's so much laundry to be folded. I should buy more sweaters. My old ones are losing color and getting torn easily.
"Ivy, I've something to ask you," Cassian said suddenly, causing me to raise a brow.
"What?"
"Umm…there's a meeting with the elders and the pack council today and…and I'd like you to come if you have time." He said, giving me a small smile.
"Huh? Why?" I asked, clearly surprised at the new request. "You never asked me to join meetings before. Why so sudden?"
"I…" Cassian looked down but I didn't fail to catch the glimpse of shame that passed through his face. "I apologize for that. My prejudices and judgments made me think you were too young to contribute anything to the meetings. I was stupid. I'm sorry…"
I scoffed. "You feel sorry? Or is this another trick to soften my heart? Because if that's how things are–"
"No," Cassian interrupted me, a firm and serious expression on his face. "I don't play with pack matters, Ivy. You know that. I'm asking you to come because you're the luna of this pack and I think you have every right to be there and contribute your opinion." Cassian sighed. "It was only a request. You don't have to feel pressured. It's totally fine if you're not comfortable–"
"No, I'll come." I cut him off and sighed. No matter what, I'm still the Luna of this pack. I need to fulfill the responsibilities bestowed upon me.
"Are you sure?" Cassian asked in surprise.
"Yes, what time is it?"
"Afternoon,"
___
Being under a lot of scrutinizing stares is not fun.
The meeting consisted of everyone from the alpha and beta families along with some elders from the pack who I figured were experts from different fields to contribute their precious opinions on the pack matters.
I did receive some weird looks from the old people but didn't mind it. It was probably because they were not that warmed up to me yet or maybe because they were not used to seeing omegas in a pack meeting.
I greeted them and sat beside Cassian quietly. Cassian talked about some of the production and healthcare issues the pack might face in the future if we don't plan accordingly to face the winter before he stood up and pushed a paper into the middle of the table.
"The main issue that called for this council meeting is the requests that I got from the omega members in our pack," He started, crossing his arms as he looked at everyone present at the table.
"What are they requesting?" Alpha Jax beat me to it before I could even open my mouth to ask. One of the council members took the paper and squinted his eyes to read it.
"They're asking to leave the pack….for education?" He mumbled in surprise.
"Yes," Cassian nodded.
"What? Leaving the pack? Why do they need to leave the pack to get education? Are they saying that we do not provide them enough education?"
"They're not saying that. They're saying they want to branch out. There are various fields in education and obviously, we're limited to only a few. They want to try others but being in the pack limits them. They're asking to leave the pack to study and come back."
"Come back? Who knows if they'll come back if we let them go?"
"They will. They promised me. Wolves are pack animals. We'll always feel empty without a pack so I'm sure they'll come back."
"Alpha Cassian, we cannot allow this. Why's there a need for omegas to learn all this anyway? We have alpha members going out to learn already."
I raised my brows. "What do you mean by that, sir? Omegas are just as capable as alphas. Omegas learning new things is only going to benefit the pack in the long run." I said and I could tell the man was taken aback by me talking but how long could I stay silent when the discussion was going in the worst way possible? The council had a majority of senior members of the pack and it's obvious that their traditional views will influence their judgments and decisions but someone has to speak up when it's needed.
"Luna, I think you are too young to understand the problem here."