Kiss him?! Excuse me? Kisses are overrated, remember?
I pulled myself back from the trance I was in and let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding in. I took a step away from Nicholas and shook myself back to reality.
Nicholas frowned and before I could say another word, he said, “I’ll see you after your show.” Then he walked away.
I went back on stage wondering what the heck just went on between Nick and me. How come being close to him made my heart beat faster? Why didn’t I feel the need to breathe as long as I was staring into his eyes? There was nothing about kissing that I found enticing but suddenly, I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.
“Hello!” Bailey’s booming voice startled me. He was looking at me sternly, and I realized that he called a girl from the audience, and I was supposed to give a drum roll of some sort but I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I lost my cue. Though Bailey was speaking to the girl, I knew the dagger-like looks were for me. The guy was a perfectionist.
I heard the girl say she was going to sing “Dreams” by The Cranberries. I closed my eyes for a moment. This was a difficult song, but I’ve played it before. Maybe it was the distraction I needed to get my mind off Nick.
As soon as Bailey cued for the song, I hit the snare in front of me and lost myself in the song. The girl who came up to the stage to volunteer to sing was a professional. She was on point every beat.
When we finished, the people were on their feet, cheering for us. I heard some of the girls calling out my name and I gave them a small salute.
We played a couple more songs before we finally finished at one in the morning. I was dreading to go out of the dressing room because I knew I would have to face Nick and I hated this uncomfortable silence between us.
In truth, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with what Nick said. He was just telling me not to reject his help or his friendship. It was me who had a problem. Because every time he said or showed something that told me he cared about me, I couldn’t help melting, couldn’t help losing my breath, and couldn’t help questioning what I believed about myself for years.
“You ready to go, bro?” Brett asked me.
“Uhm, I think Nick is outside waiting for me,” I replied quietly.
Brett raised a brow at me.
“I thought he was just your landlord or housemate of sorts.”
“He is. Why?”
Brett shrugged. “You know that you’re living with Nicholas Atkins, right? The hotshot playboy who used to turn this town upside down and the ladies’ hearts inside out?”
“So?” I asked, trying my best to be nonchalant.
“I mean, he’s an attractive guy and you…”
I raised a brow and stared at him sternly, daring him to continue his statement.
Brett stopped and then shook his head. “Never mind,” he said. He took a deep breath and added, “Just want to remind you that maybe you didn’t think about birth control before because you haven’t been with a guy. But it’s an entirely different thing with guys, you know.”
Oh, give me a break!
Was Brett trying to have “the talk” with me now? Well, considering I didn’t have parents to talk to me about sex when I became a teenager and my father would rather have a pregnant slut of a daughter than a safe, androgynous one, it only made sense that Brett should do the honors!
“Seriously, dude?” I asked him.
He sighed. “I know you’re smart as hell, Ken, and you know these things. I’ve heard of Nicholas Atkins’ effect on girls. I would hate it if he used his charms to turn your world around and then leave you with a broken heart.”
“You should be a novelist, you know that? You think too much! I mean, look at me, Brett! I look like a boy! Why would Nicholas be interested in me? I mean, if he’s looking for a blowjob, I have absolutely no skills in that department! Why would he waste his time turning me when he can have a hot, gorgeous, sex-crazed girl anytime he wants?”
Brett narrowed his eyes at me for a brief moment as if he could not believe what he heard me say.
“Seriously, Clarke?” I heard Bailey say behind Brett. He was looking at me with an amused expression on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“You have no idea, don’t you?” Bailey asked.
“Bailey, please…” Brett started.
“Come on, man. You’re embarrassed to say this because she’s your cousin. But I’ll say it because she’s my buddy,” Bailey said. Then he turned to me. “Let’s just say that if you were a girl—I mean a girly girl—this band would be fighting each other like dogs to get into your pants.”
“Fuck, man, stop this!” Brett cursed.
“She has to know she’s not just cute,” Bailey said. Then he turned to me. “Seriously, men would be fighting each other to win you over. You’re gorgeous! Trust me. I’ve had my fair share of hot women.” Just as he was about to leave, he turned back and added, “And you do not have to worry about inexperience. A lot of guys find that corrupting innocence is actually hot.”
When he left, I swear, all the blood drained from my face. I knew I looked paper white. I could not believe Bailey had just said that to me.
“Fuck you, man!” Brett cursed at him. Then he looked at me, embarrassment visible on his face.
“What was that about?”
He shook his head. “Well, now you know our bandmates and a couple of the bartenders in this place would constantly be hitting on you if I weren’t threatening to slash their throats should they come near you.” There was tenderness and embarrassment in his voice and I could not believe that Brett was protecting me like this.
“Brett…”
He put an arm around me and gave me a squeeze. “I’m the older one and it’s my job to keep an eye on you. Not your fault you’re hot and I have to make an extra effort to ward off the wolves away from you.” He started walking me out. “Now, Nicholas Atkins, what’s the deal with him?”
I put a lot of effort into smiling at him brightly. I didn’t want Brett to worry about Nick. Because I do not. Nick was completely out of my league, and even if he wasn’t, he thought so because he said so. That was enough to assure me that he would never be interested in me. He cared about me as though I was his little brother or his desperate friend, but he didn’t see me the way Brett said other guys saw me.
He’d seen me at my worst and he sleeps beside me in bed at nights but I doubted he found me enticing, exciting, or the least bit arousing. Otherwise, he wouldn’t tell me I was not within the league of women he usually, and quite successfully, goes for. Instead, he’d make hints about finding me at least cute or adorable! You do not tell a girl she’s not hot enough for you if you wanna score points with her.
“Nicholas is not interested in me,” I assured him.
Brett stared at me with narrowed eyes. He looked unconvinced. “He’s blind or something?”
I laughed, trying hard not to sound bitter about it. “He’s not into masculine-looking girls. He’s more into a Baywatch babe. And honestly, who isn’t? So you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
That should make me feel happy and secure. But somehow, I knew a deep part of me couldn’t help feeling insulted and hurt like shit! Do I want Nick to like me?
When I went out, I found Nick’s car, but he was not there. Instead, I found him standing beside one of the cars nearby, having a good laugh with a seriously hot chick.