“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was too much, right?”
No!
Couldn’t he tell I was ready now?! But I couldn’t say it. What the hell would I say?
It’s okay, Nick! I’m ready to be ravished by you now!?
Or
Stop being a damn gentleman and just stick it in!?
How does a girl tell a guy she wants to have sex with him without sounding like a complete slut? I’m sure as a couple, men would appreciate their girlfriends initiating the sexual moves once in a while, but maybe not on their first time. I refused to be the one to ask for sex the first time we’re going to do it.
Nick was taking deep breaths again; he was trying to calm himself down. I could see something in his eyes, as if he was scared he would hurt me. As if he was being careful not to trigger something bad inside me.
That was when I realized why he wasn’t in a hurry to get me to bed. He was afraid he would bring back memories of that night he took off my clothes. He was slowly leading me in. Each time we get close like this, we become closer than the last time. He was leading me to our passion as slowly as he possibly could. And I realized that it was probably the sweetest, the most unselfish thing a guy could ever do for me.
I could feel him pressed against me. There was no hiding how much he wanted this. But still, he found the strength to stop. For me. And I thought I loved him a little more because of that.
Maybe he was right. I thought I was ready. But I did not know for sure if I was. Even though I seemed eager to explore more with him, maybe it would be much safer to follow Nick’s pace.
He leaned forward and kissed me once again on the lips. “Come with me to London.”
Four days without Nick? Not sure I could survive that either. So I smiled and gently nodded.
Nick’s face brightened. “Besides, you could meet my family. My sister and my mom are going to love you. My brother, well, he doesn’t like my friends all that much so don’t expect anything.”
I nodded. “I’ll withdraw some cash for my ticket.”
Nick blinked back at me. “Excuse me?”
“Nick, it’s okay. I can manage.”
He shook his head. “I can manage, sweetheart. Have I ever made you pay for our dates?”
“Except this is not a date. It’s a trip. Out of the country trip,” I reminded him.
He rolled his eyes. “Consider it a date. A very long, extended date to where no one knows you and your past, and you won’t have to worry about what they will say if I couldn’t get my hands off you.” He leaned forward and kissed me thoroughly again. When he stopped, I opened my eyes to stare at his handsome face.
“Does it bother you?” I asked.
“What?”
“That we can’t show this much affection in public?”
“Like how much? Because if you mean exactly like our position right now, I think it’s still illegal to show this much in public. We’d be charged with public indecency.”
I laughed. “Not exactly like this, you weirdo. I mean holding hands, kissing…”
He sighed. “I don’t care about what they will say. It’s not them I am in a relationship with. But I’m worried about you. What you feel. If you’re not comfortable showing affection in public, it’s fine with me. I don’t really mind as long as we have these little moments of heaven when we’re alone.”
I smiled at him. Somebody should build this guy a monument for his patience, perseverance, and extreme self-control since I could still feel him against my abdomen and he’s never gone soft on me even a little bit. And yet, his face showed no trace of impatience or frustration. Regardless of the heat he felt inside his body, he was okay with just cuddling and kissing and then stopping when it got too much.
“Do you wanna go out?” I asked.
His eyes widened and his brow rose. “You’re asking me out?”
I nodded at him shyly.
“Of course! I thought I always had to do the asking,” he said in a teasing tone.
“See you in a bit,” I said, pushing him gently so I could go up and change.
I dressed up in a pair of black tight jeans and a black sleeveless cropped top. It showed off my well-toned, flat tummy. Then I put on a white, loose cardigan. My hair had grown longer since my last trip to the salon. I think I needed to visit Leon again for a different hairstyle.
I put mousse on my hair just to make sure it wasn’t disheveled and would stay in place. When I looked at myself, I smiled. No, I did not look androgynous anymore. I looked like a girl with a lot of angst.
I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, I found Nick standing in front of me, dressed in a pair of black jeans, white shirt and a stylish gray hooded jacket designed with about a dozen zippers. He looked really hot and I fought for breath just staring at him.
He was staring back at me too as though he was seeing me for the first time.
“What?”
“Oh my world, what did you do to Ken Clarke?”
I laughed. “Ken Clarke is trying out a new style.”
He smiled at me. Then he put his arms around my waist. “You look amazing. But just so you know, you look amazing no matter what you wear.”
“Even that day I was wearing the diner’s oversized shirt and I was sweating like a pig when we played basketball?”
Nick grinned and said, “Especially that day. I went home feeling like a high school boy with a hopeless crush on a girl who had no idea how beautiful she is.”
“Really? You thought I was beautiful that time?”
He leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the lips. “Very. And if we do not go now, I might not be able to stop myself and we’ll be staying in bed for the rest of the night.”
I pulled away from him and laughed. “Whatever happened to taking it slow?”
“Superman is not a saint, kitten.” There was a hint of warning in his voice.
“Okay, let’s go!” I said, pulling him down the stairs and into his car.
“So, where are you taking me?” he asked when he started the engine.
“Let’s go have dinner. Margaret’s?” I asked.
He smiled. “Sure. I haven’t seen her in weeks. I have been so busy. It’s high time I show up.”
When we reached the diner, Margaret immediately ran to give Nick a hug. Then she took one look at me and her jaw dropped. “Oh my God! You look… different! But great different! Look at you. You look like you stepped right out of a beauty magazine!”
“Come on, Marg. I’m not even wearing makeup.” That’s true! I did not have any idea how to use makeup!
“Exactly!” Margaret said. “You’re a natural beauty!” Then she turned to Nick. “Guard this one with your life. Wolves are gonna snatch this one away.”
“Let them try!” Nick said, chuckling.
During dinner, we chatted with Margaret and the rest of the diner staff who would stop by our table. We spent some time at the bar, looking at their walls and the number of suspended coffees they have earned so far. The diner was not just a place for us to eat in. It was more like spending time with friends, like being home.
Somebody played YMCA on the jukebox, and we watched the waiters sing and dance to their patrons. Nick was sitting on a bar stool and I leaned on him as we watched the performance in front of us.
We weren’t affectionate in public before, but I thought I should change that. I didn’t want Nick to feel I was ashamed of him. I took a chance on him. I should stand by that choice, regardless of what other people would say or think, right?
I looked up at Nick. He stared back at me, his eyes asking if it was okay for him to let his guard down, let himself go. I smiled back at him in encouragement.
He smiled at me gently. Then his eyes lit up, as though a deep load on his chest was suddenly lifted. I felt his body relax, and his arms found their way to their favorite spot—around my waist. He kissed me on my temple and then he leaned his cheek against my head.
After the diner, we went to Rhythemes. It had been a while since I saw Brett, and I thought it was time to tell him about Nick.
The band was on a break when we came in. The place was full but not entirely jam-packed. Terry was there alone in a corner table at the front and as expected, she shrieked when she saw me. We hugged each other like we were very old friends. I realized that I was thankful for her. Terry made it easier for me to find myself. And because of her, I was not entirely clueless about how to dress up.
“I’ll go to the backstage for Brett,” I said. Nick was hesitant to let me go on my own but I assured him I’d be fine.
The bouncer named Hugo was guarding the backstage door. He immediately stopped me when I tried to get through the door.
“No fans allowed.”
“As if these guys already have millions of fans!” I rolled my eyes. He gave me a stern look. “Hugo! It’s me, man! Ken.”
He blinked back and then as if he finally recognized me, he laughed. “Wow! You cleaned up very nicely.” He opened the door for me and I thanked him.
When I stepped inside, it felt like there was a loud buzzing that immediately stopped as soon as I walked in.
I stared back at five pairs of eyes that were looking at me curiously. Then Bailey said, “Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”
Brett stood up from his chair and walked toward me. “Who are you, and what you have done to my cousin?”
I laughed and then I met him halfway and gave him a hug. “I missed you, too, cuz.”
When I pulled away from him, he stared back at me as if he was studying me.
“You look gorgeous,” he said.
“Thanks to your girlfriend,” I said.
“Looks like Ken Clarke has a new groove,” Bailey said. “A lot are gonna be brokenhearted when they find out that they never really had a chance with you to begin with.”
Trust Bailey to lack tact—intentionally—in front of all our band mates.
“You wanna perform tonight? Brett can give up his seat for one song.”
“If my date doesn’t mind me being gone for five minutes, then okay.”
“Where is your date?” There was a hint of danger in Brett’s voice, as if he suddenly felt he had to pump up his big brother duties now that I decided to dress like a girl.
“Outside. With Terry.”
“Good. Terry is better at interrogation than I will ever be.” Then he led me out the door. “I’ll take you to the table. Don’t want the other guys here to get any ideas.”
“I can take care of myself, Brett. I’m still me. I just changed my clothes and hair.”
“Yeah, you dress like a girl now!” Brett protested when we were already in the corridors.
“Brett, can’t you just be happy for me?””
He heaved a frustrated sigh. “I am. I don’t know. Maybe I was just scared you wouldn’t be the cool bro I used to have.”
I laughed and put an arm around his shoulder. “I will always be the cool bro you have, Brett. Nothing is ever going to change that.”
He looked at me and then he smiled. “I’m still your big bro, okay? Some guy hurts you, let me know. I’ll slit his throat in a second.” Then we stepped into the bar and he saw Terry talking to Nick, as if there was a military interrogation going on.