Jesse stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and much more clear-headed than she had when she had woken up.
With a towel wrapped around her body and hair, she walked over to the sink and grabbed the toothbrush on top of the bundle of clothes. Once she was done with that, she held up the clothes Devon had left for her.
Her heart froze when she took in the sweet summers dress. It was shorter and a touch more revealing than anything she had worn in a very long time. Sheer in some places with a floral pattern that was vibrant in a way she wasn’t used to anymore.
Although it was a touch more mature, the dress was similar to what she used to wear before Luke.
Or at least the Luke that her ex turned into when they moved into the big city. A mean, sarcastic manipulator who used to poke at every vulnerability Jesse had. He always seemed to take pleasure when he made her cry, especially when it was about something she liked to wear. Tearing apart her style until she completely changed the way she dressed to make it stop but it never did.
He just found something else to poke at.
The change had been a heartbreaking shock from the sweet boy who used to bring her flowers every morning when he stopped to pick her up for school. Who always had a compliment for her whether she was feeling good about herself that day or not. Her first everything, she thought he hung the stars and moon.
Then they moved from their home town and everything started going downhill. At first, things were great. They had found a sweet little solace to stay together and found jobs not too far from where they lived. Jesse settled in quickly and started working her way up the company hierarchy. It was a month or so when she landed a position as a manager that he started staying out later and later. In the beginning, he had messaged her to join but that quickly stopped when she raised her concerns about the places they were going to. The odd crowd he was hanging with.
The way he spoke to her then changed from sweet words of praise to scathing words of acid until she was afraid to even be around him.
When unpaid bills started piling up, some major red flags started coming up. Jesse pushed herself to a complete burnout in order to keep up which ultimately lead to her losing her job. It was then that his drug habit came to light.
The night she mustered up the courage to confront him about everything he also revealed that he had been unfaithful to her. Numerous times, he had bragged with that horrible fucking sneer that she could still see in her dreams.
How he had laughed at her …
It was the laugh that haunted her even now, 6 years later.
Every time she thought of him, she was amazed by how much of herself she had lost in the two years they were in the city. How much she had given up of herself to make him happy without realizing that nothing that she would ever do would be good enough for him.
Little pieces until she was a mere shadow of the girl she had been but by then, it was too late to go back.
Not only had that girl become a complete stranger to her but Jesse couldn’t seem to break away from the horrid cocoon of self-doubt that Luke had spun around her.
Her so-called friends she made while in the city also didn’t help when they all cut her off without a whisper of a word. Going as far as to block her on all social networks and cautioning anyone she got friendly with against letting her close.
Blow, after blow, Jesse withstood and as stupid as it seemed, the damned dress was bringing every one of them back to life.
With tears in her eyes, Jesse clutched the dress to her chest and looked at herself in the mirror.
Long hair, now wet, she grew out as soon as she left Luke, who had preferred her hair short. Only trimming the tips every other week to keep them healthy because she loved the feel of it down her back. Brown eyes that were darker than she would have liked. A pert nose that she always thought was one of her best features.
The remnants of her younger self still lingered in her features but most days Jesse struggled to reconcile the girl she was then with the woman she was now.
How did Devon see her?
How did Jax?
A part of her wonders if they’ll ever look at her the way Luke did. That ugly sneer made her feel like she was nothing.
Less than nothing.
A tear slipped free as she thought of that soft, intense look Devon gave her when he looked at her a few nights ago. Of the happy, elated smile Jax would give her when she teased him last night at the festival. All of those wonderful feelings they evoked in her were destroyed by something Jesse feared she carried in her.
Just the thought of it had her wanting to run home and hide away in her room until they forget about her.
Until she forgot about them.