Rose carried on with her shopping and meandering in town, making the most of the long drive here and not really wanting to go back to the cottage to stare at the clock and obsess over Rob’s absence.
He called late afternoon, her heart lurching and fingers pressed into her palm, willing him to make her feel better as his name flashed on the screen, but he didn’t. He was cool and distant on the phone, informing her they needed to rain check their trip. That the French meeting had been delayed and it was for the best, seeing as he had to collect Morag on the day they would have been leaving; tomorrow. He still had some things up in the air with the construction and told her he would probably be late and to not expect him, he would stay at the manor, collect Morag in the morning and be flying out early afternoon for Glasgow. He would call to let her know how it went with Morag and be back late Saturday, or early Sunday and would come by the cottage on Sunday when he got back.
She felt the anger rising as he spoke. He was not going to come near her for at least three whole days. No affection in his tone; No, ‘I love you’ or ‘sorry’. Just all business. Cool calm and unreadable, pushing her out still and not even realising how much of an asshole he was being.
Sensing her tone change and her cool response to him, he got irritated; a crack in the mask, but instead of remorse it only seemed to make him push her further away.
‘Sure, whatever. I’ll patiently wait at the cottage like a good little puppy.’ She snapped angrily, her mood completely nose diving.
‘You know it’s not like that. I have to work, I have shit that I have to deal with.’ He snapped right back, bruising her already fragile heart.
‘Really? What overnight too, as it pretty much feels like you’re avoiding me right now.’
‘I wasn’t aware we had to be glued together. You’re being needy and ridiculous Rose. I need to go, I have a client waiting.’
His words stung, Rose lifted her chin defiantly and snapped.
‘You know what... Fucking go. Do whatever the hell you need to do.’ She wasn’t normally one to swear but then normally Rob wasn’t like this and making her feel slightly hysterical. She hung up on him dramatically and threw her phone in her open bag aggressively.
Rose fought back the tears, aware she was sitting in public at a coffee shop table. People around her glancing her way, obviously catching snippets of the one-sided conversation. She did not care how wild-eyed and upset she looked. She did not care that people were staring.
She composed an angry text and failed to send, losing courage and instead stalking to her car to cry. She knew from his brief conversation he was home at the manor to get changed and collect some papers. She was almost home, she had only stopped in to kill time and get a coffee. She could be there in ten minutes or less; confront him face to face and fix this. Face this. Have it out!
He couldn’t just leave it like this and go out of town.
How could he go from obsessively wanting her every second to not seeing her in days?
She drove manically, her eyes blurry with tears and panic, wanting to get there before he left. A huge sense of injustice built inside of her at his behaviour. She had no idea what she would say, but she was drowning and clutching on for dear life.
She had barely parked her car, leaving it half abandoned behind his, absentmindedly blocking it in in case he left before she caught him and practically ran up the main stair, bursting in. A faint thought about the irony of acting like Morag crossed her mind and headed straight for his room.
He was in his office, sliding papers into a folder and picking up his phone. Wearing a smooth tailored navy suit and looking all business as usual. Cold and controlled. Seeing her storm in he seemed to instantly bristle and put up a staying hand as though she were nothing more than a misbehaving child.
‘Not now Rose. I’m in a rush. I can’t deal with some female meltdown right this second.’ He didn’t even look her in the eye, just carried on gathering his things.
‘What the hell Rob? It’s not Morag you’re dealing with!’ She felt her anger taking hold, aching by his manner and words; her emotions all over the place. Her self-control fleeing at his cold annoyed glare, as eyes darkened, trying to brush past her motioning he was late by tapping his watch and sighing loudly.
‘I think all women have tendencies towards the dramatic.’ He muttered.
‘Stop it! Stop treating me like some unimportant crazy woman!’ Rose snapped, tears brimming in her eyes and on the verge of complete hysteria, she really had no idea who this version was or why he was being this way.
This wasn’t Rob, this wasn’t the guy who told her she was his heart.
‘I told you on the phone Rose. I can’t deal with this right now. Things have gone to shit with the French project. I have been pulled into an emergency meeting by the board of directors in Glasgow; my ass is being dragged over coals for this... I am aware that shit is about to go down when I collect Morag this evening; Abby’s having some hormonal tantrum and hiding out at her boyfriend’s acting like a twelve-year-old and the phone has been ringing non-stop with local reporters looking for quotes on my happy engagement...I’m currently keeping a distance from my own father after the worst fight I have ever had with him and the last thing I need is for you to turn all crazy irrational and needy when I seriously cannot handle any fucking more.’
He had never shouted at her that way before. Never spoken to her that way. His words stinging her cruelly, his eyes narrowed and dark and anger bristling from him so that she could feel static in the air.
‘Don’t you dare!’ She spat at him, tears blinding her, and all logic and reasoning being drowned out by heart ache. ‘Don’t make me feel like I’m some sort of lunatic making life worse for you. Some emotional bunny boiler!’
‘Right now, this whole mess is making everything worse for me. You’re only the tip of the iceberg.’ He replied coolly, still not meeting her eye.
‘You can’t just drop me when things get hard. Pushing me out. It’s not fair, it’s not how a relationship works!’ Her voice was getting louder, her grip on rational behaviour slipping.
‘I told you I would see you Sunday...How is that pushing you out?
We don’t need to spend every second together Rose. We’re not married YET!’ Piercing words. He was talking through gritted teeth trying to control his temper, although it seemed he too was losing that battle.
Who was this guy?
She didn’t know this man standing there coldly looking at her like that, talking to her like that, looking at her like she was insane...Like she was some irritation he couldn’t deal with, that he would rather be eating glass than having a conversation with her... That she was an unwelcome drama, like a fly buzzing around his face...Like she was Morag!
Rose snapped, pulling his arm as he tried to brush past her and catapulting him to face her with unexpected strength as he was caught off guard.
‘Let me make this easier for you then, shall I?’ Making a move to pull the ring from her hand he gripped it, covering her fingers. His large hand dwarfing hers with a tension that sent electric fire between them.
‘If that comes off, it stays off, Rose! I don’t do threats and emotional blackmail, just so you can make a point.’ His eyes were dark and sinister, a complete battle of wills. Seriousness like she had never seen before.
Wounded and silenced by this stranger before her, heart tearing in two. Rose chucked off his grip erratically, pulling off the ring and throwing it at him dramatically with false bravado. Blinded by rage. It whizzed past his shoulder disappearing into the room behind with a sort of an anti-climactic result. He did not falter or break his glare on her face. Just snarled a little as though he honestly wanted to tell her to go to hell.
‘Screw you!’ Rose blurted out with tears streaming down her face, she shoved him aside as hard as she could. Spitting back over her shoulder as she flew to the door that he no longer needed to break his precious Morag’s heart over a wedding that was never going to happen. Another woman left on the side-lines he could forget about.
That she had obviously never been worth the hassle.
He didn’t follow.
* * *
She barely saw the road ahead. Barely functioning, yet still managing to swing her car into the cottage car park. She was livid and heartbroken all at the same time. Crying as though in extreme pain. Her hand was throbbing where she had violently dragged the snug ring off.
Looking down at her trembling hands and the red marks she had left along her finger. Everything was bubbling up and pouring out all at once; all the tension and drama and anxiety of the last weeks. All the insecure doubts and niggling worries. They had been a melting pot of molten lava exploding all over her life and coming out in that room with him.
She was no better than Morag. What made her any different?
Some irrational needy woman, losing her shit over a couple of days apart. She knew it was about more than that. Knew it had been eating inside of her dangerously, just waiting to pop its cork and had come out in a massive blow. Months of turmoil eating away, and she regretted it; she had overreacted and lost the plot and acted like a complete fool. She looked at her naked hand again and felt a new wave of tears come down her face.
What had she done?
She replayed his words over and over, ‘If that comes off, it stays off.’
Did he mean it? Was it over?
She knew it had been a knee-jerk reaction, and she hadn’t meant it. It had been stupid. She just wanted to show him how hurt she was, how angry. She knew, though, how stubborn he was, and he didn’t make threats, not even in the heat of the moment. They had only fought that way once, and he had come after her immediately.
He had not come after her this time. There was no sign of him.
Her phone remained silent in the bag beside her. She sat contemplating going back but knowing it would be pointless; he would be gone. He made it clear he was going, regardless of how she behaved; she felt ashamed but also justified. He had made her feel this way; normally attentive and welcoming, he had just cut her off, pushed her out in the cold and made her feel desperate and manic. She wanted to go back to this morning and start her day again, but she knew she couldn’t.
She didn’t leave the cottage again for the rest of the day and he didn’t call or appear. By evening she called Abby, barely able to conceal her tears and emotion on the phone. Abby cried too, blaming herself and the added pressure they had caused her brother.
She hadn’t seen him either. Hadn’t spoken to him, had been avoiding him after a massive row at the house and staying with Duncan. He had told her to butt out of his life. He had been livid with both her and her father and it had ended badly.
‘He’s been under a lot of pressure lately, so much more than normal. I’ve heard him on the phone and all the usual clammed up Rob signs are there. His heads in overdrive and he deals with it by closing down and distancing himself from everyone.’ Abby explained to a tearful Rose.
‘He can’t just shut me out that way, I didn’t know how to react; so, I acted like a mental person.’ Rose sighed heavily, toying with the cushion on her lap and stretching her legs out on the couch, nestling the phone into her ear more closely as though she was willing Abby nearer.
‘That’s the thing babe; Rob has never had to consider a girlfriend when he gets like this.... I mean Morag has never counted and normally she’s a huge part of why he’s gone into black out mode again. He’s just used to dealing with things alone and on his terms, this is all new to him and he probably has no idea how he made you feel.’
‘I don’t know what to do, how to fix it.’ She sighed heavily, Muffin trailing in to paw at the couch beside and whine to get up. She leaned down, scooping him onto her lap and stroked him absentmindedly.
‘Honestly... When he’s like this, we leave him alone. He comes out of it a lot quicker and happier that way.‘ Abby sighed too.
‘The thing is.... I threw his ring at him and pretty much told him I didn’t want to marry him, so I can hardly leave it alone.’ Rose felt the tears brimming up again as she said it allowed for the second time. Her heart aching badly with regret.
‘He’s dealt with the crazy that is Morag for fifteen years, I’m sure you’re a picnic compared to her. Give him breathing space; I don’t doubt that he loves you babe, a lot more than you realise, and it won’t be long before he comes looking to fix this mess.’
‘So, I do nothing but wait?’ She let her head drop back onto the couch arm and stared at the ceiling wistfully.
‘Play it by ear... You know him in ways that I don’t. If you feel you should call or text him then do it, or if you want to wait on him making the first move then let him. Rob’s hard to predict at the best of times.’
What was simmering behind those steel eyes and sharp mind? How many things he was pushing around to fix and keep control of?
She suspected that he had been bottling up way more than the situation with Morag for a while and maybe it had just overflown with too many balls up in the air for him to handle. Abby had caught glimpses of the stress and strain in passing and figured it had all gotten on top of him. The situation with Morag tipping the normally balanced scale and Rose had just made it monumentally worse.
‘I will leave him be to simmer, maybe by the time he comes home he won’t be so pissed at my dramatic ring return.’ Rose tried a smile and a hint of humour, but it fell badly. Her heart wasn’t ready to make jokes about her behaviour, as for right now she was pretty sure Rob and she were over... Again.
Abby told her not to worry, sure that when he calmed down he would come running with his tail between his legs, but Rose wasn’t so sure. He was angry. Really angry. She had behaved like an insane witch. Throwing his mother’s ring at his chest like that. Ending what they had on a whim like it was meaningless.
Why would he want to marry her now?
He was trying to get away from an irrational female holding his life captive and certainly wouldn’t be looking to tie himself down to the exact same thing.