It hadn’t taken her long to put everything back in her car. She grabbed Muffin and headed back down, relief washing over her like a warm hug when she walked back through its welcoming door again.
The nights were getting colder, and they did not have the fancy heating of the manor house. She occupied her mind by setting up the fires in the living room and bedroom. Having never started a log fire in her life, it took a good chunk of time and effort. All her directions from Abby were completely forgotten. Good old google to help her do something that should have been straightforward. YouTube came to the rescue several times.
Before long, the house was cosy and romantic. The flickering flames in the darkening room were entrancing, helping to smooth her rattled nerves and unease. She made herself some tea and raided the fridge for snacks.
Channel-hopping the TV for some background noise, she felt restless. Doubting she could work, she pulled her art supplies out and set up a small table at the couch. She didn’t want to work in her little closed room; the fire was more welcoming and gave her a sense of security. Helping to thaw that icy grip which had taken hold in her stomach.
After three hours, she pushed the table away, dissatisfied with everything she had painted and sketched. Her mind was just not focused, and her heart was not in it. She checked her watch for the millionth time and, admitting defeat, decided she should go to bed. It was dark outside, and he still had not appeared. No contact at all, which was not like him.
Muffin only ventured into the garden for a last pee before settling in bed. He seemed unaware of Rose’s disappointment and absented focus, happily settling to sleep almost immediately. She checked her phone, once again sighing at the lack of calls or texts and pondered over sending him one.
If he were in the hospital, it would be off anyway, so there was no point. He had told her he would come here, so he would. He had obviously been held up. His silence was unusual compared to how he had been of late. She would leave the door unlocked for him, cursing herself for still not finding the second key to give him. She had misplaced it her first week here, and knowing he could get in anytime, locked or not, would have made her feel better right now.
Killing time by making herself some hot cocoa and cleansing her face carefully, she was well aware she was delaying getting into bed. Hoping he would appear, and she felt stupid. It was less than three weeks, and already it was like she couldn’t function without him here.
When had she become so hopeless? Is this what it was like when you met ‘the one’? You became so joined at the hip that survival apart was futile.
She finally climbed into bed wearing satin and lace, a sexy and skimpy nightdress. An indulgent purchase when she had first got together with Rob and had never worn. It was strappy, revealing in places where see-through lace panels were strategically placed and despite his lack of appearance, she put it on for his benefit. Once again, feeling stupid and pushing it away in her mind that she was being pathetic.
She was barely asleep when she heard him coming through the front door. Her heart skipped a beat at the noise of the intruder before fully realising he was home and flipping in joy. She heard him fumble with her keys in the door hanging inside, locking them in and signalling he was here to stay. The rush of relief washing over her was warming and, simultaneously, sent tingles through her. Unsure whether to get up and greet him or remain in the dark. Rose decided on the latter and laid still, waiting quietly. Eyes glued to the door, trying to adjust.
She heard him trip and curse in the hall. He thought she was asleep and was not switching on any lights. She smiled. His presence lifted her whole mood and chased away all anxiety. The waiting endlessly now forgotten.
Stumbling into the bedroom, she could hear him pulling off his clothes and boots and dumping them on the chair by the dresser. Could smell his familiar exotic scent surrounding him in the air as he pulled back the covers, feeling across the bed for her and slid in, moving close and pulling her over so he could wrap her in his arms and legs. Feeling the smooth satin of her nightdress, he appreciatively slid his hands over her body, hearing her inhale lightly in response. She could never fight her body's involuntary responses when he touched her.
‘Rose, are you awake?’ his mouth was mere millimetres from hers, his breath warming her lips seductively.
‘Mmmm hmmm.’ she didn’t want to admit she was wide awake and listening to him fumbling around in the dark clumsily. She tried to sound sleepy. He gently turned her on her side, facing her away so he could pull her into his stomach to spoon her. This was not a usual Rob move when he had her in a bed. He was more of wandering hands and removing her clothes as soon as he had her alone kind of guy. Even tired in the middle of the night, surrounded by darkness.
‘What’s wrong?’ She whispered, catching his hands around her and pulling them to her lips. He sighed heavily. His body collapsed against her needily.
‘It went pretty badly. I’m tired and stressed. It’s nothing.’ He buried his face in the back of her neck, sighing again and sagging into the embrace as though it was just what he needed.
‘Tell me.’ she squeezed his hands encouragingly, not wanting to leave this alone, knowing she would never sleep if he didn’t tell her now. He paused. Gathering his thoughts for a moment as though contemplating it.
‘Now?’ He asked dubiously, obviously not wanting to talk it over. Typically, Rob.
‘What better time?’ She encouraged, pulling his arms tighter around her upper body and pushing her butt back into his groin a little more snuggly. He cleared his throat and paused for a second, she could feel his hesitation, but he must have thought better of it and given in.
‘She was upright anyway, awake and more together. At first, I didn’t think she even remembered what had happened. She just acted like everything was normal.’
Rose listened intently, knowing to stay quiet and let him work through it.
He nuzzled further into the back of her, his breath sending tingles down her back. ‘She seemed happy to see me. Calmer, and I don’t know...? Stable? We talked about what the surgeon had said, what other surgeries she still had to get. She seemed okay.’
He released Rose, pulling himself to sit up in the bed restlessly. The subject was hard, and he always felt more in control when she was not so close, tugging at his nerve endings and feeling so sexy in her silky lingerie. Propping cushions up behind him and laying a hand on her thigh possessively. Still needing that contact between them.
The sudden parting caused dread to crawl back inside Rose’s stomach. Pushing it aside, she turned over to face his body but stayed lying down, gently tracing his abdomen muscles with her fingertips in the dark. Feeling him tense softly as he reacted to the light tickles and needed to have that intimacy with this subject between them.
‘I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened at the house, trying to guide the subject to what started it all... You and me! At first, she kept apologising, asking me to forget it.’ He reached up, rubbing his eyes, sighing again and already agitated with the memories. His voice was husky, and his mood unreadable; she could feel the tension in his body building.
‘Go on...’ She coaxed gently, afraid he would clam up and tell her to go to sleep instead.
‘I pushed it. Didn’t I? I had to keep going. I should have read the signals that it was too soon. We ended up arguing; she remembered all right. Accusing me of the same shit, the same accusation, the same jealous blind fury. She told me I was to end it with my ’whore’! ‘Rose froze. Her hand stayed on his stomach.
No progress in this messy situation.
He reached down, catching her hand and pulling it against him, knowing her silence did not mean she was not reacting inside.
‘I told her that wasn’t going to happen. Not to call you a whore. I didn’t realise how little patience I had left for her. How much I’ve changed towards her? I said things I would never have said three months ago. I just lost it with her.’
His heartbeat had accelerated slightly, clearly remembering the event, part regret, part anger and getting worked up.
‘What did she say?’ Rose almost held her breath.
‘She cried a lot. Typical Morag fashion! Sobbing and howling and trying to throw anything she could reach. Everything I said just worsened it, and they asked me to leave!... I left the hospital in such a rage Rose. With her. At myself! I couldn’t come back here and have you upset by how I was being. I needed to clear my head, so I went for a drive to calm down. I ended up driving to the coast and just taking it out on flooring it across the beaches while the tide was out.’ He kissed her fingers softly, running them across his mouth. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call. I just needed to think! Needed to calm down. My car looks like it’s been rallied through a swamp.’
She sat up, reaching for him. Feeling in the dark the way to his face, and gently kissed his cheek as she manoeuvred beside him.
‘You did your best, Rob. Most men would have never tried to help her the way you have. Stuck around and tried to support her. To help her get well. They would have cut their losses long ago and turned their back on her.’ She slid her arms around his neck and rested her forehead against his.
‘Maybe that’s the point? If I had walked away years ago, maybe now she would have moved on with her life and gotten over it. Maybe I’m the reason she’s so messed up now?’ He sounded deflated.
‘It’s not you that’s doing this, Rob... It’s us and what we have. If I had never come here, you wouldn’t be going through all this.’
‘That’s not true Rose. Don’t ever say that... You’re not the first girl I have been with in the last fifteen years. I just tried to live without directly hurting her and hiding when I should have been honest. I should have done this years ago... This is my fault!’
‘That’s why you were so good at sneaking around! MI5 style.’ She had tried to sound light and teasing, but there was a rawness in her voice.
‘I hate that I lowered you to that, Rose. I hated that it felt the same way as all those meaningless affairs. Every time I was with you, it tore at me that I was making you hide. I never wanted it for you.’ He pulled her body over his, so she straddled him, sliding his arms around her waist so he could pull her as close as possible, gazing at her in the darkness, only able to make out the briefest of features.
‘I guess somehow she felt the change in you. You said she started getting worse after we met.’
‘Sixth sense or some crazy woman’s intuition. The accusations that I was screwing around started only days after I met you. I hadn’t even done anything.’
‘You must have done something to make her feel like there was someone else?’ She was listening to his heart's slow, steady beat beneath his skin, lulling her into a sense of calm.
‘I guess. Maybe it was the fact I couldn’t get you out of my head. I was distracted a lot, unfocused and all over the place. I guess that screamed out that there was a woman involved.’
Rose felt her heart warm. She felt the same way. She loved nothing more than having him admit how crazy for her he was.
‘It’s sad. For her, I mean. She wants you so badly, yet she’s never really been able to have the part she thinks she needs.’ ‘And therein lies my dilemma... My guilt.’ Rob heaved a heavy inhale and rolled his shoulders to release some building tension.
‘You didn’t ask for this, Rob... I can see why she wouldn’t be able to let you go. I wouldn’t be able to either.’
‘I get it. Because it’s how I feel about you, and it only makes me feel even more shitty. Because I know how much I would fall apart if it were me and you had fallen in love with someone else.’ He pulled her in tighter, kissing her forehead softly. ‘It doesn’t bear thinking about.’ He murmured, a hint of anguish in his voice.
They both fell into silence, reflecting on what he had said as he reached up, pinching his face at his forehead and flexing his shoulders painfully for a second time. Rose felt a tug at her heart and began kneading his large shoulders to help alleviate the niggles.
‘Maybe it’s time to stop thinking about it. For now, anyway? Sleep on it?’ Rose suggested, sensing his agitation had climbed a little too high.
’I’m sorry, baby. I’m seriously worked up and stressed. Her! Work! I feel like I’m just letting you down with this entire fucked up situation!’ He sighed heavily and brought her chin up with his fingers so he could kiss her on the lips. Gentle, quick grazing of mouths.
‘Rob?’
‘What baby?’
Rose wiggled her hips suggestively. ‘I happen to know a cure for your kind of stress.’ She whispered seductively, sliding the nightdress up slowly and revealing her naked body in the dark. His hands followed the curves she was showing, yet he didn’t respond as normal.
‘Rose?’
She faltered, aware that he wasn’t following through with sexual advances, just gazing at her in the darkness. Motionless and lost in thought.
‘What?’ She felt nervous now, awkward, rejected. Trying not to overthink it or take it personally. Like a distance was opening between them, unsure if she should move off him, admitting defeat at trying to seduce him.
There was a short silence. Rose’s heart rate had elevated, and her palms were clammy. She could not make out his face in the gloomy light, only the sound of his breathing, and she was aware that his face was still close to her own and he hadn’t broken that intense gaze.
‘Marry me?’ He breathed it so gently she almost thought she imagined it.
‘What?’ She breathed in surprise.
‘Rose. I want you... No, I NEED you to be my wife?’ His voice was suddenly stronger, more serious, and without hesitation. ‘I know I said I would wait until I fixed this mess, but I can’t. I need you to know that I’m not going anywhere, that I’m yours and only yours, and that this is everything to me. I want us to be real, living together in the manor. The full shebang... Dog, kids, happy ever after... I want it all with you. Will you marry me, baby, and make me the happiest guy alive?’
Emotion swamped every cell with an overwhelming force. Rose couldn’t hold back the sudden onslaught of tears rolling down her cheeks and the quiver in her voice as she tried to form a reply, nodding her head like a child and almost unable to speak. Her hands trembling, she cradled his face tenderly, pulling his mouth close to hers.
‘Yes...Yes... I will.’ Her voice was shaking, sniffing back the tears as he tried to wipe them away. She could make out a grin in the darkness. He pulled her forward, catching her mouth with his, and rolled her onto her side, dragging her down onto the bed and covering her with his semi-naked body.
‘I’m not asking you because of seeing her or a sense of duty or guilt... I’m asking because I’ve wanted to ask you for weeks and never seemed to find the right moment. I’m sick of waiting.’ He rubbed noses with her, stroking her face and planted small kisses greedily across her face.
‘So you ask me when I’m semi-naked and trying to turn you on?... You realise I’ll have to censor the story when I tell our future children!’ She laughed, twisting to free her face from his barrage.
‘I like you naked and trying to turn me on. Seemed like the perfect moment to me.’ He laughed, all his stress and tension gone, as though it had floated away on this cloud of happiness they had just created.
‘Maybe we should do a PG rerun for future storytelling?’ He was trying to find her eyes in the dark. Calming down his need to eat her alive. ‘You know, like the whole down on one knee, clothed and far away from a bed. Don’t want you to have to tell your mother that I did not do it in a manner fit for a princess!’ He was still smiling, and Rose was beaming right back.
‘I’d never tire of you asking me. So, I’m all for it.’ She giggled, kissing him hard and pulling away to gaze at him lovingly.
‘It would maybe give me a chance to bring the ring next time.’
She paused, tilting her head and running her fingers over his jawline, minorly surprised.
‘There’s a ring?’
‘Of course, there’s a ring. Do you think I would plan to ask you and not have a ring ready?... It belonged to my mother. It’s a tradition in our family that the Lairds wife wears this ring until we have a grown-up son of our own.’
Rose felt the butterflies in her stomach. The flip of her heart as memory brought up the images of the beautiful vintage ring Abby had shown her.
‘I’ve seen it... Abby showed it to me a while ago... It’s beautiful, Rob, it really is.’ Rose gushed, still tearful but happy, elated and bursting-with-joy kind.
‘Beautiful ring for the most beautiful girl; it’s now yours.’ He did not seem surprised at her admission.
‘Do I need to wait till you re-propose? You know in the PG version?’ She giggled, feeling his mouth on her shoulder once more, tracing her collarbone with kisses
‘We could always get dressed and get it now. Moonlit proposal in the gardens?’ His voice was husky but serious.
‘Tempted! And I mean majorly tempted, but I would rather do something else in the moonlight right now.’ Rose giggled naughtily, tracing his strong shoulders and pulling her fingertips down his chest and abdomen suggestively. He found her mouth, hushing any more talk and kissing her in a way that had her begging for more.
‘I think you’re right. It can wait till tomorrow!’
He easily moved her down the bed, covering her with his. Devouring her with the hunger of a man who had been deprived for weeks.