Kacie
The thoughts I’d had in my head just a few moments ago replayed in my head and I was mortified at the way I had been thinking. Burn down the world? What the fuck. I sat back on my legs and stared at my hands. That was the effect of my gift. I would never want to hurt anyone else. I would never choose to do that. That wasn’t me… was it?
I’d been ready to do what Clara and her sisters came here to prevent. I know it was only the first day but the future was looking bleak. I’d been doing well in the first half of training with Clara but in the last half… I’d failed miserably. I couldn’t see a future where I would or could have full control over my gift.
Would I always be a danger to those around me?
Would a day come where I would hurt Viktor or Jake?
We were able to prevent me from burning all my clothes off. Maybe that’s why Clara ended the practice when she did. Had she seen what I would do or could she tell by the look in my eye? Trying not to be completely negative, I tried to focus on being able to find where my gift had been coming from. Despite this, I couldn’t shake the foreboding feeling in my chest.
Lifting my head, I watched as Clara took a step towards me. Would it be better if I never used it again? The thought of doing this again in the next training session with her scared me. Losing control as I had today wasn’t something I wanted to do ever again.
Clara strode over to me, her face neutral as she stared down at me. For once, the thought of Clara being stronger than me brought me a sense of relief. Once upon a time, I could say I feared her but now, I wanted her to be stronger. I didn’t want to surpass her. With the new revelation of what I could do, I feared becoming stronger.
She stopped a few feet away from me and offered her hand to me. I swallowed as I stared at her outstretched hand. My eyes darted to my hands as I double-checked that the flames were gone. I knew they were gone but I didn’t trust myself right now. My shoulders slumped as I breathed out a breath of relief.
Her hand was still outstretched but something behind her caught my eye. Staring behind her at the sky, my eyes widened in wonder. The clouds were no longer hiding the sun and the sky looked a little brighter than earlier.
The sky and clouds were a beautiful blend of pink, orange, purple and blue. When I looked back at her, she stared at me, her face an emotionless mask. It should unnerve me but I was growing used to it.
Realizing I wouldn’t take her offer for help, her outstretched hand fell to her side. She didn’t say anything as she stared at me. She arched an eyebrow as she waited for me to figure out my life. Knowing I couldn’t stay down here all day, I got to my feet and avoided her eyes.
I needed to figure out what the hell just happened. Turning from her, I started walking in the direction of the packhouse. I grabbed my hoodie and pulled it over me. I could shift and run but I was exhausted. I needed a bit of time before I returned. The sound of moist grass and a light breeze made my cheeks cold.
I couldn’t hear her footsteps behind me but I knew she was there. My mind replayed her reasoning for coming here and it didn’t make sense. Anger began to build in my chest and I didn’t know what to do with it. It festered the longer we walked in silence until it bubbled over.
Turning around, I faced her and lashed out. “What’s the real reason you’re helping me, Clara?” I asked. “Is there a reason you’re being so quiet?” No matter how much I thought about it it didn’t make sense. Yes, I thought we connected when she was guarding me for Ken. Yes, I may have thought of us as friends. Did I think she thought of me as one? No.
Did I think what happened at Ken’s was a good enough reason for her to come all the way over here? No, I didn’t. Even if she had visions about me, did the witches follow what their visions said? Was it reason enough to help someone you had no connection to?
Was she really no longer upset about Viktor choosing me instead of her? She had no hard feelings about looking her destined? It didn’t make any sense for her to stop what she was doing, gather her sisters, and fly all the way over here or whatever they did because I needed them. Something just wasn’t right and I needed to know. It felt like she was holding something back from me.
“Are we going to pretend you didn’t want to go rampant and burn everything?” Clara asked. “Or are we going to keep pretending you don’t know why I’m helping you? Because that wasn’t my choice, that was yours.”
“I didn’t want, I did want but I wasn’t…” I sighed. “I know, I’m fucked right now. Is it possible for me to never use my gift again?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No, that would only be a temporary fix. In the long run, it would make you irritable and you would be a danger to those around you if you got angry or upset,” Clara said.
“Wait… pretend I don’t know why you’ve been helping you?” I asked “I don’t know what you’re talking about. If I knew the reason why I wouldn’t be asking you.”
“I thought you knew?” Clara asked, her voice musical even when she was confused.
“Knew what?!” I half screamed.