And I don’t know how to respond. My life had a clear plan until that trip to the US. And now I need to decide if I am ready to raise a child from a man with whom I can never be together. I leave the doctor's office, not knowing what to do. Because one part of me wants to keep this child, the creation of our love with Adam, but the other fears becoming a bad mother who will ruin this little one’s life.
I place my hand on my belly and see the ring, the one I haven’t taken off for seven years. Tears roll down my cheeks, and now the decision remains only one.
I had to get ready quickly because there were only a few hours until the flight. During the flight, Victoria brought me up to speed.
After landing, we are met not only by Korneyev's driver but also by four bodyguards.
- I wasn't ready for this. - we get into the car.
- It’s for your safety. - Victoria is writing something on her phone, then asks:
- Would you like to stop at your father’s apartment? He didn’t live there, so I think there won’t be any discomfort.
I hesitate at first, but then agree. It doesn’t matter where to spend these few days while all matters are resolved.
We approach one of the elite neighborhoods of the city, and I am handed the key to the penthouse. What can I say, Korneyev had taste. The renovation is simply amazing. I have an hour to get ready. The driver and bodyguards are waiting outside; good thing they didn’t come in after me.
I dress in a black dress, and no matter how hard I try to hide my belly (which I don’t do in London), it still attracts attention.
- Well, so be it. - I throw on a coat and step outside. I truly do not want to go to this farewell ceremony, to hear condolences from people I have never seen, about a person I don’t really know. Yet something deep in my heart tells me I have to do this. He was never my dad; we simply never had a chance. I don’t know the story of my birth, and the two people who certainly knew it have passed on to a better world.
We arrive at the same cemetery where my parents are buried, bringing back memories and wounds that have yet to heal.
Victoria walks beside me, and even though I don’t know this woman at all, I am grateful she is here.
I am used to the presence of bodyguards, and I notice that the people who came to say goodbye are not reacting to them at all.
There are dozens of people I’ve seen in the media. And all of them have come to pay their last respects to the man who ruined my life seven years ago because he wanted to protect me. The man who gave me a future, allowing me to choose a profession I love. The man who made too many mistakes but for whom I now shed tears. Perhaps those tears are not solely for his death but more for the realization of how complex and tangled life is.
Many unfamiliar people approach me, express their condolences over my father's passing, and I wonder how they know. It seems to me that everyone around knew who my father was except for me. Almost everyone who approached offered any help and left a business card. And looking at these people, I understand - Korneyev left behind not only many secrets but also incredible power, which he somehow decided to pass on to me.
But when he approaches, my heart stops and I automatically hide my belly with my coat.
- Ms. Amanda, this is Mr. Adam, he is your father's partner. - I look at the man I was running away from again. This time he did not push me away. This time I left him to avoid the hellish pain that I had barely survived before. Of course, when I left, I still didn’t know about the pregnancy, but I’m not sure that would have changed anything.
- Accept my condolences. - why did he come here? Was it only because he and Korneyev were partners?
- Thank you. - it is difficult for me to be near him. For some reason, everything inside me screams to jump into his arms, to tell him about the baby, and I am almost ready to do it.
- Once again, accept our condolences. - a light-haired woman approaches and takes Adam by the arm. This is not Marina, which means he has managed to let go of the past.
- This is Karina, Mr. Kelly's fiancée. - Victoria whispers this in my ear, and I can only smile. I feel this smile mixed with pain.
- Fiancée... - that word somehow inflicted the most torment. And it was the very thing that stopped me from sharing everything with him.
- Thank you for coming. - I look into Adam's eyes one last time and see pain in them, but it doesn’t matter. Now he has his life, and my child and I have ours. If Kelly managed to let go of the past, then I can too.
I return to the car and drive home. The day was difficult, but compared to the next few, it will seem simply magical.