He was still wiping down doors when they got back to the cottage. Abby had to get going. Her visit was only a brief stop-by as she passed and only popped in to tell him her plans before she left. Stealing Muffin for a while, she could walk by her new beau’s farm, leaving Rose once more alone with Rob. Rose was suddenly feeling foolish for this morning.
She took him out a tall cool iced drink and food in the garden as soon as she waved Abby out the door, her mood brighter and determined to be nicer; she even managed a genuine smile at him when he looked up and accepted the plate of sandwiches. He sensed the change in her and smiled back, that usual jaw-dropping smile that made her feel like melting at his feet. She moved away quickly and tried to avoid too much eye-to-eye contact.
‘Thanks.’ He smiled her way, but Rose had already decided she was going to put distance between them and keep out of his way.
‘You’re welcome. I have to thank you for all this manual labour.’ She tried a soft smile to match her soft tone before sitting on the patio chair. She pulled out the magazines she had carried out and spread them on the table. Most were art supply brochures and the odd fashion mag, but she intended to act normal and not sit staring and fantasising over the hunk rubbing her doors in a very sensual way today. Seeing her settle down to read, he left her alone and returned to the doors.
She was not going to mope and bring her mood down on him either. Light and carefree. That was how she planned to spend her last hours with him and forget yesterday and this morning had ever happened. Life was too short for this drama, and she wasn’t exactly a child.
She felt his gaze on her several times but refused to look up. Steeling herself to stay strong and not fold. The radio was on in the garden, playing summer tunes on a low level, so there was no need to talk at all, and it made the whole atmosphere seem peaceful. She had nothing to say to him, not right now. Not when her emotions were still unstable and raw, and he seemed focused on what he was doing.
She was sitting cross-legged in another of her endless collection of feminine summer dresses, her tanned legs on show from the knee down, unaware of how many times he glanced up to look. Assuming she was lost in some article she was reading. She was poised and lost in thought. Unaware of how alert and tense she was. She had no idea how often his eyes were drawn to look her up and down before forcing himself to focus on the task. She would have been slightly proud of her dress's effect on him if she had.
His phone began ringing, breaking the calmness of the garden. The birds were singing, and the insects were making subtle noises silenced by the shrill tone. He scooped it out of his pocket, pressed the screen and walked off into the house, saying Morag’s name in a neutral tone.
Rose’s mood was instantly ruined again, so effortlessly, and jealousy peaked out harshly.
For god’s sake. That woman! Like an eternal bad penny.
Rose wanted to throw her glass at him through the open door. It was not his fault she made her feel this way, but who else could she take it out on? Just when she thought she was getting a handle on herself, that stupid woman had a way of making her presence known. Of course, he would have a leech of a girlfriend, he was obviously not the most faithful of guys, judging by last night, and the woman probably knew it.
She tried not to eavesdrop, but the slight raise in his voice made it hard not to. He sounded annoyed. They were arguing. Somehow that made Rose feel a little bit better, trouble in paradise and all that. He moved further into the cottage, obvious he did not want Rose to hear, and she could no longer strain over the side of her chair to eavesdrop anyway. She didn’t want to know what they were arguing about; she didn’t want to hear him talking to her at all, and she just figured this was a better way to deal with it. She got up and walked down the end of the garden, away from the house, to kill all temptation.
Admiring the fields beyond and the prettiness of the summer countryside from her vantage point, she tried to bring her focus and feelings back to calm. She didn’t hear him return, but she felt her skin prickling as he appeared directly behind her, wondering why he was so close.
She didn’t turn or say anything, assuming he would go back to the doors near the cottage or maybe start a conversation. Seeing as he was intent on practically leaning into her. She almost jumped in fright as his warm arm came around her waist from behind, hooking her firmly and tugging her back with a jerk, sweeping her up in his arms, and her face was instantly faced with his, extremely close. She gave out an involuntary small squeal in reaction. He trundled her into his arms and swept her against him smoothly with her feet miles from the ground. His eyes were back to that storming grey, his face unreadable. Rose had no clue how to react.
He said nothing, just swept her against him and caught her mouth in a kiss that melted away all resistance and rendered her completely speechless.
Rose didn’t need to be told twice or kissed twice. She kissed him back feverishly, her hand coming around his neck to pull them closer together and successfully pushing all thoughts of his ‘girlfriend’ out of her mind. The kiss matched and exceeded the passion of the one previously and had Rose’s heart pounding through her chest, his own reflected in rhythm.
While still locked to her lips with his own. He turned and marched into the cottage with her, kicking open her bedroom door, stalking in as though he had been here a million times before and dumped her on the bed in the most abrupt way.
Not sure whether to fear for her life or be overtaken with joy, she crawled backwards, moving away, so he had space to get on. He followed, climbing onto her bed, his knees planted firmly between her ankles and moved forward. Catching her with one hand at the nape of her neck, he dragged her face to his and began kissing her in a way that could not be misunderstood. He wanted her and, for some unknown reason, had decided to act on it with very little conversation. He was much more forceful about it than he had been last night, and it was pretty evident he wasn’t changing his mind this time. Rose almost cried with happiness and tried hard to push Morag out of her head.
Things escalated quickly, from passionate hot kisses to entangled bodies rolling on the bed. Hands fumbling and exploring. Clothes being ripped open frantically and shoes kicked off with wild abandon. Rose got lost in the hot craziness of it, pulled in by sheer lust in a way she never knew she could react, by something more. She was beyond lust. This feeling, the way he made her feel. She was falling in love with him, had been for weeks, and knew she was probably about to surrender most stupidly, but she didn’t care.
As things heated to the point that hands began sliding into undergarments, heading towards the point of no return, Rob guided Rose’s hands by the wrists above her head and pinned them down to the pillow. His breathing heavy and ragged, he broke free from her kiss and rested his forehead against hers. Locking eyes, both were struggling to regain composure.
‘Not like this, Rose.’ His voice was husky and heavy, his breathing rapid; he leaned over her, caging her in and looked breath-taking. Pinned down by his body on top of hers, her lips swollen by hungry kisses and passion, her eyes questioning him defiantly. He groaned. ‘As hard as it is to stop, we need to.’ She could see the storm in his eyes and the battle for control on his face.
‘Why?’ Her voice was barely a whisper as she struggled to compose herself, trying to steady her breathing enough to formulate words. Feeling that rise of fear lifting inside and a tinge of uncertainty.
‘It’s complicated. I want this. I want you... I just can’t right now.’ He looked devastated but stayed with eyes locked, noses brushing softly. His mouth found hers again, gently and only brushing, nothing more. A gentle teasing motion that was only fueling her passion instead of calming it. ‘You drive me crazy. You know that, right?’ He pushed his forehead against hers and smiled, but Rose only frowned, aching with confusion.
She didn’t reply, just searched his face for answers, but none came. Instead, he moved off her and, leaning back on his haunches, pulled her to sit up. Brushing her hair and touching her face, she could tell he was searching for the words.
‘It’s Morag, isn’t it?’ her voice was deflated and broken, and she was cursing herself internally that she was so stupid. She wasn’t mistress material, and as much as she wanted him, she had been an idiot to be so weak. He frowned and dropped his eyes to her lap, finding her dainty hands and scooping them into his. The warmth of his skin was too alluring for her to pull away.
‘Yes... But not in the way you think.’ He tilted his head towards the ceiling, looking for help. Searching for some way to answer. Sighing with frustration and revealing his long muscular, tanned neck. He was wrestling internally.
‘So, tell me... I think I’m owed an explanation... Especially after this!’ She nodded towards the bed, strewn with messy covers and scattered cushions. The consequence of the previous chaos.
‘She loves me. ’ He shrugged emptily. ‘She can’t get over it. She thinks she needs me; Maybe she does.’ He slid off the bed, releasing Rose and leaving her feeling cold and rejected as he went to stand in the room and started fixing his clothes. Pulling the fluffy cushion into her stomach to cuddle away the sudden shivers running through her, she watched him as he began to pace the room.
‘She’s struggling right now. She has issues. We were together for a while, on and off, but she can’t accept that we’re done, and to be honest, she isn’t exactly in the frame of mind right now for me to push it.’ He looked towards Rose, and try as she might tell herself he was lying, she found she believed him. Relieved that here he was, telling her that Morag was not his girlfriend. Somehow it made her feel less shameful.
‘So, she believes your together, and you’re letting her think it?... Are you sleeping with her?’ She knew She had to ask. Once and for all. After being kissed that way and getting to the almost point of sex, she was owed a very clear answer.
‘No. And it’s not that simple. She knows we’re not together, but she’s trying, I mean really trying, to get me back. She’s not well, Rose. I think right now she’s more than capable of another suicide attempt.’ He assumed Abby had told her of Morag’s past, so he didn’t elaborate. His eyes were pleading, his voice strained. He had stopped pacing and returned to perch on the end of the bed. His face was a picture of turmoil, his eyes storming in ways she had never seen.
‘What are you saying?’ She was trying to second-guess him, but it was not falling into place. Afraid to try and formulate her own answers. ‘You want me to be your secret screw? Anytime your horny and I get a call, right?’ She couldn’t stop the frosty emotion raw in her voice. She was trying to push away this overwhelming feeling of rejection and bitterness, sad and looking at this with scepticism.
‘Rose... ‘He sighed. ‘It’s not like that.’ He shook his head. ‘This!...us!... You make it near damn impossible for me to function. Looking the way you do. Smelling the way you do... God, even when you’re mad at me, like right now, I want to drag you over and rip your clothes off.’ He got up from the bed, emphasising that he didn’t trust himself near her.
‘I was angry with her...All morning all I wanted was to get over here and see you... I wrestled all goddamn night with myself. I almost drove over here a hundred times after kissing you; I wanted to tell you all this. I fought with her all the way back from the airport about this crap between her and me, trying to tell her and make it possible to be with you. It was obvious that wasn’t going to happen.’ He pulled Rose closer by the hand, bridging the space with his own body and pulling her into his lap.
‘I tried to think about this rationally and stop it before it got out of hand. Being with you today, knowing you were upset about it. Drove me crazy! She... Just, as usual, it made me so pissed. The same crap on the phone, and there you were. Standing there looking soft and feminine, uncomplicated and inviting. Beautiful! I have wanted you so badly from the first moment I met you. I just went into autopilot. I just needed to wrap myself in you... To feel you... Screw the consequences. I’m so sick of fighting how I feel about you, and I’m losing my mind over all this... I‘m sorry, Rose... None of this is fair on you.’ He buried his face in her neck and breathed her in as though trying to make the most of the time he had left. He was making it clear that they would be going nowhere after this.
Rose bit her lip, lost in thought, absorbing everything he had just said. Tingles at knowing he wanted her too. She had never seen him this way, so far removed from the cool and in-control Rob Munro.
‘So, what do you want from me now, Rob? It’s not very clear what...? What now?’ She smoothed the fluff on the pillow in her lap calmly, betraying none of the inner screaming chaos she was feeling and lifted a hand to bring his face up to hers. Tingling at the grazing of his stubbled jaw as he came up very closely, nose to nose. The man could make her weak, all right. Just being this close was making her body go into overdrive, but she had to be stronger than this.
‘I need time! ... To figure out how to deal with this. Let her deal with the stuff in her life right now. I don’t want not to see you, Rose, but I don’t want to hurt you.’ His hand moved around her hand, finding her fingers and enveloping them. ‘I want you! ... Just you! Just us with no complicated mess surrounding it.’ Embracing her in a hug and resting his face against her ear through her loose hair, she could feel him sighing and leaning into her. Breathing her in again, and even though her heart was somersaulting with the realisation that he did feel the same way about her, it was dying because it sounded very much like he was saying goodbye.
‘Just not right now? Just an indefinite wait, right? Even if that takes ... A year... Two... Maybe more?’ She knew she had no right to be pissed. He was trying, but her heart was aching and irrational, and tears started to pool in her eyes. She pulled away from him and got off the bed, searching for her discarded shoes on the floor to stop the onslaught of heartbreak before he saw them. She heard him say her name, but she ignored it and headed for the door. He jumped up, blocking the exit and caught her in his arms.
‘You think I can just forget this... Just avoid you? You have no idea what you do to me, Rose. If you did, you would see how hard this is for me. I want to tell her to go, to get over it. I want to throw you back on that bed and finish what we started. But I’m not an asshole, as much as you think I am right now.’ His face portrayed every emotion running through Rose right then, and she couldn’t help but let out a muffled sob. A tear rolled involuntarily down her cheek, and she heard an unfamiliar sound come softly from him, a regretful moan.
‘Don’t do that, please...’ His soft hushed voice was followed by his fingers tracing the tear and brushing it away. His forehead came to rest on hers, his breath warming her face. ‘I need to know that you want the same thing...? That you will give me some time...Within reason.’ He pulled her into his arms, never breaking eye contact. ‘I want a future with you in it, Rose. From the day I laid eyes on you, like a crazed Penelope Pitstop, I have wanted to kiss you... Kiss you and strangle you at the same time. I knew from the second I met you I would never forget you. I want to date you, be with you... I need you to wait for me.’
There was a long pause as she tried to calm her scrambling thoughts.
How could she stay mad when he was looking at her that way? Touching her like that and making her feel this way about him.
She had to think about this rationally and what he was saying to her. Did she want to be with him enough?
Standing in his arms, finally feeling him around her, was so heady that she could not imagine letting him go now. What he was suggesting didn’t work for her or her aching heart. She didn’t want to go back to yesterday and be left alone by him. What had started between them wasn’t easy to just let go, and she wanted to be selfish.
‘I can deal with secretiveness if that’s what it takes.’ She hoped what she had to say would make a difference. The alternative was not an option. ‘I can’t deal with distance, Rob... Avoidance... Please don’t do that to me. I can’t just forget this happened and act like strangers when I see you.’ More tears escaped gently down her cheek, and he wiped them away again, watching her closely as she spoke. ‘I don’t want to wait; that would be agony.’
‘I don’t want to hide you! ... Us! ... I want you, but not in that way... Secret dates. Lying to people we know. Sneaking from your bed in the darkness. Leaving you alone... It would destroy us, Rose. It would make you feel dirty and worthless. Do you think I could treat you like a mistress? A dirty secret? ... I couldn’t!’ He frowned down at her, but his arms had snaked around her firmly, his body making it clear that he wasn’t ready to let her go despite what he was saying. Rose’s heart wavered.
‘Then what? Because I hear nothing in this that gives me any clue as to how to behave. What to expect! Feel! ... How long do I need to pretend that you mean nothing to me. I need some definite plan to know I won’t be dangling on a hook for months. Maybe years. Waiting!’ She let out another broken sob, wiping her tear, this time with the back of her hand and trying to wriggle away from him angrily. He just held her tighter and pulled her chin back to his face.
‘I have no answers. I don’t know what to do either. I’ve never been here before. I shouldn’t have grabbed you and dragged you in here. I’ve complicated shit way more by doing this, but I couldn’t stand it anymore... Seeing you in the yanks arms that night has been eating me inside for days, seeing that asshole kiss you; I wanted to rip his throat out... I warned him off, Rose. Told him to stay away... Do you know how crazy I must have seemed to show up at his hotel to threaten him? I didn’t care; I just wanted to ensure he never laid another hand on you.’
Rose inhaled quickly at his confession, taken so suddenly by the ridiculousness of it that she started to giggle. Her laughter promptly changed to tears, and she found his arms wrapped around her. It was through tears and completely out of place, but the need to laugh at what he said came bubbling out from some crazy neurotic place inside, despite being highly inappropriate.
‘I’m sorry.’ Rob was cradling her against him again, his emotions all over the place as Rose’s.
‘Don’t be... He was an asshole.’ Rose sniffed and pulled her eyes up to meet his, swallowing more tears.
‘He IS an asshole.’ Rob corrected her sternly, his face softening and a smile breaking out over that godly perfection.
‘I agree, and I didn’t kiss him; he assaulted me at the front door... You had no right to be pissed at me!’ Rose pouted. She wanted that made clear right now. Fully intending to get an apology out of him for his distant behaviour right after.
‘It was pretty obvious you weren’t into it, to be fair.’ Rob shrugged and caught her mouth with a surprisingly quick peck on the lips.
‘Really?’ Rose smiled.
‘Really! I wasn’t mad at you. I wanted to get out of here and chase that prick down. Tell him to never lay another finger on you again, or I would beat him to within an inch of his life.’ He shrugged. ‘I did!... Then I realised it was better for us if I just put distance between you and me. I wasn’t doing a great job of keeping my feelings in check when it came to you.’
‘You’re an idiot.’ She smiled, her tears drying up, her body still on full alert seeing as it was slowly moulding to his the longer they stood there.
‘Only when it comes to you!’ There was a raw truth as he uttered those words. No games. No pretence. He had made his feelings clear, and now it was her turn. She wasn’t letting this go quite so easily, and she was sure, despite his protests, that he didn’t want to either.
‘We take one day at a time, Rob... See how we feel...How it goes. No plans. No promises... If sneaking from my bed gets us through one day, I say we do it.’ The alternative was not bearable to her at all. She pushed down the doubts and reservations, racing to the surface, assuring herself she could do this. He frowned, his eyes the darkest grey she had ever seen as he wrestled internally with his choices and regarded her brown eyes with a look of sheer longing.
‘I don’t know, Rose... It seems wrong to make you do this.’ He pushed his forehead back against hers and locked his eyes on her mouth. She could tell he was still mulling it over, weakening to her way of thinking. Rose, feeling brave, pushed her mouth on his this time. Enjoying the way he instantly responded and kissed her softly, opening his mouth to let her kiss him seductively before she pulled back.
‘If I can’t, I’ll tell you.’ She nudged him with her forehead, smiling softly and seeing the slow defeat in that handsome face. Finally, he looked at her fully. She could see the acceptance in his eyes. Having her close to him, surrounded by her smell and her feel, he had no way to fight it. Logic prevailing.
‘Like I could stay away from this?’ He scooped her up from the floor into his arms, quickly pulling out a squeal. He captured her, pulled her lips to his mouth, kissed her hard, and carried her back to the bed. His mind was made up, and her proximity was far too much of a lure to deny this. Turning his back on the hall, making her heart rate elevate and her body melt to his with the intensity of his attention, he kicked the door firmly shut.