Morning light woke her ungratefully, still curled on her bed sheets, her face sore from dry tears and her feet ice cold from sleeping without covering. She felt like she had the worst hangover from hell and groaned when she saw the time. She had promised to help at the coffee morning today. The little old ladies had talked her into it, asking her to bring Muffin for some granny love, and she hadn’t been able to refuse. As if by coincidence, the rap on her door by an over-happy Abby just added to her groans. She sank facedown back onto the bed, allowing herself to slide off her feet. The effort of moving was almost unbearable. She was fatigued.
‘I’m coming!’ She half yelled, half mumbled as she dragged herself to let her in.
‘Oh my god, Rose, it’s after nine, for goodness sake. We need to get there at half past! Dressed. Now!’ Abby was bounding around, overly energetic for her liking and pushing her back into the cottage.
Rose caught sight of her dishevelled appearance in the mirror, catching the bed hair, pale face and over-red tear stains and tried to wipe them away about the same time Abby caught her tired eyes in the mirror.
‘You okay? Look, if you’re sick, I can tell...’
‘No! no. no. It’s okay. I’m okay. Bad night. Stomach upset or something like that. Honest, I’m all good.’ She lied and tried the happy face she had been wearing lately but could not muster the energy. ‘I just need to freshen up.’
‘Look, go have a bath. I’ll call Nancy and tell her we're running late; you need more than a freshen-up.’ Abby blinked at her rather dubiously and fished her mobile out of her bag.
Rose gave her an appreciative smile and headed to the bathroom, turning on the taps, glad to be able to lock herself in; she sat on the toilet lid as her bubbles grew and filled the bath, and steam started to cloud the air. She just needed to scrape herself together.
She was over the worst, right? She had hit an all-time low and had the night from hell. It could only get better than this. She had seen him now. That first encounter was over, and it could only get easier now...It should get easier.
* * *
The sun, as usual, was splitting the trees as they drove to town. Rose felt more human after her bath and even dragged out her baby pink sundress and shoes to feel more like her old self. She was stronger than this. Willing herself to get back on that horse by wearing her favourite outfit.
Abby had forced her to eat some toast before they left, resulting in being almost an hour late. It had been an effort, her appetite nonexistent, but she had felt better for it.
The church was mobbed when the girls walked through the door, always the highlight of the week for all the old-timers. The noise in the high-ceilinged hall echoed loudly and drowned out the radio playing tunes in the corner. The smell of air freshener, baked goods and mustiness was something she had found in every church she had ever been to. Tinted with strong coffee and old lady perfume.
Every little round table was crowded with elderly folks, with varying shades of lilac perms and balding heads, and the sight of Muffin trotting in among the tables sent off a lot of crooning and kissing as they scooped him up and passed him about, plying him with cake crumbs and milk. He was in his element, his little pink tongue excitedly flapping at faces and hands. Muffin was somewhat of a celebrity in this village, everyone knew him by sight, and everyone knew his name and weakness for cake.
The church group leader, Nancy, pulled them over and showed them where to stand. She was a stout little lady with grey hair in a bun and the air of an old schoolmistress. Her spectacles perched low on her nose. They would serve endless cups of tea and coffee to the old timers while Nancy oversaw the book sale set out on several tables at the far end. Rose was relieved to be given such a menial task that required no thought. At least she could manage to stand and smile, the busyness of the room making silent thought impossible.
This is what she needed. Mindless tasks surrounded by noise and bustle. Plenty of life and laughing.
Even here, the sun was shining through the tall arched windows and warming the air to an almost stuffy heat. Glad of her sundress and naked arms and legs, she pitied Abby and her choice of jeans and sweater.
* * *
The morning went fast, with the hustle and bustle and busy chatter,
Rose felt like her face was going to seize with her smile ache. When Abby began to fade from the heat, she sent her to go and help with the flower sale outside, assuring her she could manage coffee and tea service for a couple of hours more alone. Nancy agreed to find Abby a t-shirt in the lost and found box, giving her some relief and glad Donald, the little older man out front, would have help.
She watched the room fill some more through the day as younger mums with kids in prams and teenage boys and girls came and went. This little community was something she loved to be part of, age didn’t stop them all from taking part, and everyone made an effort to come to things like this, all intermingling and just chatting with everyone. She stood watching the commotion and happy laughter, envious of all the seemingly content faces. It lifted her spirits to be part of this. It was much-needed therapy.
Nancy soon came over to relieve her and point out her overly blushed cheeks a little after three. She was unaware of how hot she had become, stuck behind the steaming kettles and hot water boilers. Sending her to get some air and take a break with a box of sandwiches and a bottle of juice. She thanked the woman and headed out a side door left open to help air flow through the room.
The exit took her to the back of the church, a small courtyard-like area with paved ground and neat trim hedges. She sat on the nearby bench and ate her food quietly, revelling in the headspace and cool air rejuvenating her. She had built up enough of a hunger that she had wanted to eat.
See, she was already improving.
Enjoying the gentle breeze in the shade, she looked around the peaceful courtyard, the noise from inside much more muffled out here. It gave the spot an ambience of seclusion and peacefulness.
Discarding her packaging in the nearby bin and smoothing the crumbs from her dress, she noticed a small half-concealed arch at the far end, calling to her nosiness, intertwined with the high bushes. Heading into the luscious green lawn, she suddenly realised where she was.
This was the path from Munro manor to the church when it had been Munro chapel. The private path had once been used to let the family come and go. The house loomed up ahead in front of her, only minutes away. She had never seen the house from this side angle before, and it suddenly felt alien and daunting to her. It looked so gothic and intimidating, even in the bright light of day.
Turning to go back, she was distracted by the glint from something by the house, shining right at her face, which made her turn to glimpse again. Seeing Morag’s red car turning in at the front and out of sight, she turned back towards the church, cursing inwardly and trying to ignore that heavy pit that erupted in her belly and spread to her heart.
It killed her mood instantly; her slight, almost happy mood was now back to doom and gloom and cursing the sun. Heading back into the church with her eyes trailing the ground, she walked slap-bang into a hard, warm wall.
‘Ooowwww’ Looking up and rubbing her shoulder, which took the brunt of the impact, she met familiar steel-grey eyes and tanned skin in a jaw-dropping six-foot frame.
Fuck.
‘Sorry. Guess neither of us was looking where we were going.’ He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and she moved back, giving him room to pass, but he didn’t move forward. She rubbed her shoulder, trying to calm her over-racing heart and realised he was staring at her oddly.
‘What? What is it?’ Suddenly panicking. Wondering if there was something on her face or if there was a bug climbing about on her.
She had a morbid fear of bugs.
Was she drooling? Scowling? She knew she wasn’t crying...Just yet!
‘Nothing!... Just...’ He was looking her up and down, at her dress slowly, lost in his head, the one she was wearing the first time she ever met him with a faraway look in his eyes. ‘You look nice.’ It came out as an emotionless empty compliment. He gave a short smile, then immediately straightened and moved past her, turning to face her slightly as he did so and giving her one last look. Unreadable... Like always! Just like Rob.
He had moved out without touching her, and despite it being the last thing she wanted, it felt horrible. To be so close and yet to be so far apart. She tried to shake it off as he left via the entrance, noticing he was carrying an empty crate in one hand. Looking back at the tables, she saw the new pile of cream cakes and muffins and figured he had brought them down.
Unable to resist the urge, she walked out the open door and saw him disappear through the arch towards the house. Stopping herself and pulling back into the church, that same feeling of deflation. She hated this. The way her body jumped on high alert and crazy agony at seeing him, then crashed into despair when they parted ways.
Would she ever get used to this?
Back at her table, she figured Morag had probably dropped him here with the new cakes and went to the house to wait for him. She guessed it was easier for him to walk up directly through the grounds in less than a couple of minutes and get back to her than to have her wait out front among milling crowds and endless parked cars. That thought hurt her way more than she should have let it.
* * *
The girls heaved a sigh of relief when they were finally finished. The room had started to empty, and the girls helped clear tables and chairs and returned the normal empty hall to its former glory. It was not an overly huge room but large enough for most of the little clubs to meet and greet and some of the local schools to put on plays. It had nothing to the size of the rooms at the manor. Nothing she had ever seen could ever compare to that big old house.
It was still early in the day when they were done, so Abby suggested they take Muffin up to the house and use the pool. Muffin had been occupied all day by eager fans, and he looked ready to sleep for a week. His little head was bobbing with the effort to keep awake as Rose picked him up to stroke that tiny velvet muzzle. He was too tired to attempt any licking and rested his tiny face against her bosom.
‘You have a pool? Where? Rose laughed in disbelief. ‘I have been in your garden, remember? In your house! I have never seen anything remotely pool-like in all that time!’
Abby tilted her head. ‘That’s the beauty of the big house. So many secret places.’ She laughed, explaining there was a building fifty yards from the house on the grounds that sported a pool and sauna concealed by trees. ‘It was one of dad’s indulgences. He practically lives in the sauna nowadays.’
‘Sounds perfect, Abs. There is nothing I can imagine I would love more right now.’ She was attempting to peel her dress strap from her clammy skin.
Abby pulled Rose after her towards the car. ‘Come on. We will take your car up, so you don’t need to come for it later. We can leave Muffin with Alice. You know how she loves him.’ Rose could not argue. The thought of a nice cool swim in this sticky heat sounded amazing. She needed to cool off and relax after that hard shift as a tea maid. Nothing sounded better than peeling off sticky clothes in this humidity and diving into clear water.
Something else would have sounded good, but that ship had now sailed.
It did not take long to get the car out of the church car park and navigate along a private side road straight to the house with Abby’s direction. It felt wrong to realise this was where she had seen Morag drive earlier.
They parked at the front of the house in the usual wide-open car park by the main entrance, and Abby dashed inside to grab swimwear and deposit a now sleeping Muffin with Alice in the kitchen to be pampered some more. Rose made excuses and stayed outside, gesturing towards the red car next to Robs, and Abby shrugged. She assumed Rose was hinting about the drama and their tiffle with Morag and dashed inside cluelessly.
She didn’t want to see them, if she was being honest, and she certainly didn’t want to see them together.
Rose meandered towards the flower bed and looked at the delicate white Roses all in full bloom waiting for her, lost in thought. Trying to keep her crazy, pounding heart and trembling nerves under control.
‘Urge to climb in and take a nap?’ the humour of the familiar voice made her freeze, her heart crashing heavily into her rib cage. Slowly turning to see Rob leaning in the open door against the thick rustic frame lazily. He looked effortlessly masculine, his muscles on show under a t-shirt that did little to hide his body. One arm raised over his head as he leant in and made it even more pronounced. That little peek of skin at the waistline where the hem was pulled up.
‘Funny!’ Rose regained her equilibrium quickly as she wandered to the next bush, putting more distance between them, afraid he would see how her body was starting to react.
‘I know you and Rose bushes... Flower baby.’ There was something unreadable in his voice, but Rose averted her gaze to some small pink Roses further along and tried to keep her voice steady.
‘Only when I’m under the influence.’ She shrugged. ‘The rest of the time, I just like to admire them.’
‘You look nice today, really pretty.’ He sounded genuine, trying to be light and upbeat, but she could hear the deeper tone in his voice. He had already told her that at the church, but the way he said it this time did funny things to her insides. There was a brief silence as they looked at one another for a moment before she lost her bravado and looked back at the flowers.
‘Rose?...’ The way he whispered her name caused her to turn without thinking, a soft unreadable look flashing between them, but he backed off as Abby came racing through. Stopping to throw a kiss on his cheek and waving two sets of bikinis in her hand and towels in the other
‘Darling brother, we’re going to use the pool!’ She was giddy and happy. Rob was eyeing up the skimpy costumes in her hand and looking back and forth at Rose. His expression was again unreadable, and that deadpan mask was back in place. His gaze lingered longer than necessary on her for a second and caused the familiar tingles and shivers to begin creeping over her.
Still, he could affect her this way.
‘Sure, just as long as you don’t annoy dad. He went for a sauna about twenty minutes ago. I saw him trailing across the lawn in his white robe.’ Rob ruffled Abby’s hair and pushed her onwards out the door. She skipped down the steps towards Rose with a smile.
Abby grabbed Rose’s hand as she danced by, twirling her around and jerking her in the direction intended at the same time. Her skirt flew up lightly with the twirl she did, and her hair followed. She couldn’t help but give out a little squeal and laugh as she did so.
Abby, the ever-fun-loving child.
She caught Rob’s expression, just a fleeting moment.
Remembrance, maybe?
Clouded dark grey eyes and a pained expression. He watched them leave via the side of the house until they were out of sight, but she resisted the urge to look back at him, aware of his eyes still following them and wrecking her nerves once more.
The pool house was not far across the lawn to the sheltered side of the house. Concealed by trees and bushes, it was almost like a secret little building, and Rose could see why it was hard to find if you didn’t know it was there.
Once inside, it reminded her of an expensive public pool. The blue-green pool was full of inviting, cool, clear water. Tiled from floor to ceiling in hues of sea green and mint, with the unmistakable strong smell of chlorine and that echoing sound of water. Abby checked the temperature panel on the wall and smiled.
‘Perfect!’ She pointed towards the far end and two doors. ‘Left is to the changing room. Right is to the sauna, and my dad is most likely asleep there, so I better check.’ She handed the black bikini set to Rose with the towels and sent her towards the shiny white door while she took a detour and knocked on the other. Like Rob's, a deep, smooth voice called out and invited her in, and Abby slid in, casting a wave and gesturing one minute to Rose.
Rose opened the changing room door and slid inside, faced with a row of wood-clad changing rooms with swinging doors. There was a bench along one wall lined with mirrors and silver hooks, a vanity with a couple of hair dryers, a basket of assorted toiletries, and a single enclosed shower and bathroom in one corner. She opened the first door into one of the small changing rooms and began to undress.
The bikini was a tad skimpy for her fuller figure than Abby’s, but it still covered her modestly. Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she felt rather indecent. It was not her normal style, riskier and naughtier than what she liked to throw on, but as she was in a private pool with her best friend, she figured it didn’t matter.
Abby walked in and wolf-whistled.
‘Check you! Sexy!’
‘Thanks’, Rose laughed.
‘Think Rob would have some sort of caveman moment if he saw you in that.’ Abby winked devilishly, and Rose felt that moment of fear colour her cheeks.
‘Shut up.’ Rose laughed, trying to conceal her guilt and wondering why Abby even thought Rob would care. Abby didn’t know, not that there was anything to know anymore. A small doubt about what she knew passed her mind fleetingly, and she pushed it away as stupid.
Abby picked the same dressing room she had just vacated and threw clothes over the upper wall beside Rose’s. Sporting a similar style of bikini in bright turquoise, somehow Abby looked more covered. Her slimmer figure and smaller bust made it less revealing.
‘My dad’s going to come for a wee swim for a few minutes to meet you.’ She grinned. ‘He says he’s sick of hearing about the amazing Rose and wants a face to the name. He remembers you as a kid but apparently wants to know you as a lassie.’ She laughed childishly. ‘Dunno, who’s been telling him nice things, cos I told him how boring you were.’ She laughed again, ducking as Rose threw one of the towels at her.
‘I have no idea why I hang out with you sometimes. You’re an actual brat!’
‘You cannot resist me, sweetheart.’ Abby grinned cheekily. Blowing a kiss her way and patting Rose on the butt to get her out of the changing room.
‘Come on.’ Rose led the way back to the pool, keen to be submerged before this man saw her in all her curves and glory. She felt a little too naked as she slid into the cool water easily, loving how it felt on her clammy skin and weary bones. She would have to make Abby bring her here more often. This was exactly what she needed after everything in the last few days. Always a lover of the water, sliding under and relaxing to the cooler temperature, she swam an easy length before this long-awaited stranger made his appearance. He was not what Rose expected.
Memories of Hamish years ago had always seen him a big figure with a huge grey beard, dressed in kilts and sporrans at dances. As a child, he had seemed like a big hairy bear of a man, always loud and alive, full of life. But the tall large man sporting bright red shorts, coming from the sauna, struck more of a muscular, older version of Rob than memory served her. His once huge grey beard was gone, and he had a smooth-shaven face. His chiselled jawline was still evident despite his age and wrinkles. His grey hair was tamed and shorter; he used to wear it shoulder length in all its curly wildness and, actually, for a man in his later years, still handsome. Still full of life and vitality. The faded grey eyes were a shock to Rose. So familiar and so unexpected to see in a different face, looking so weary and dull.
Yes, he was aged and not so firm and fit as his son, but the resemblance was striking. He was like Rob in mannerisms and voice as he slid into the pool and approached the pair.
Brief introductions and small talk had them all relaxing quickly, the easy-going nature she remembered so well and deep, hearty laugh. Rose could not stop being mesmerised by the similarities, wondering if this was how Rob would look in years to come. It was obvious both his children had inherited his genes, good looks, and good bone structure. Abby’s green eyes, the only obvious part of her mother, and the straight black hair of both her children. They both had Hamish Munro’s smooth confidence and easy manner. Rose liked him instantly. He had charm, a quick wit, and a great sense of humour. His affection for Abby was obvious as the pair verbally sparred like a comedy act.
They splashed in the water for a good fifteen minutes, just laughing and joking before he looked her in the eye, making her feel like a ten-year-old child again. A serious expression on his face as though he was scrutinising or appraising her.
Abby climbed out to use the bathroom, leaving them alone for a few minutes.
‘He told me about you two, you know?’ Hamish didn’t hesitate. No sense of accusation in his tone, just a warm smile as he tread water, facing her.
Rose's look of panic and confusion was obvious, she began to try and formulate a response, but he put his hand up.
‘Hush now, I’m aware Abby has no idea, don’t worry; I will leave that up to you or Rob to tell her in time. I just wanted to say I agree with you. Ending it! That’s no way for you to live. No way to treat the girl he says he loves and that I think my son’s an idiot. I think he knows it too.’ He moved forward, giving her shoulder a small squeeze and an apologetic look. Reassuringly fatherly and Rose sighed, relaxing a little.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ She truly had not expected this. ‘I didn’t see a happy ending the way things were going, or even a change in the future.’ She felt a tear hit her eye and a lump forming in her throat, and she pushed them down again.
‘Just tell me, lassie... Do you love him?’ He was still close, their voices hushed with a hopeful look in his eye.
‘Yes, I do.’ She looked forlorn but could not lie, especially not to this kind-hearted man. It felt good to be able to speak to someone about it finally. It had been ripping her apart inside for days.
‘Well, at least there is that. He knows he’s being an idiot. Just don’t rule him out forever. Sometimes Rob can be stubborn like his mother. Trying to do what’s best for everyone else.’ Hamish moved back a little, giving her space and glanced to the door to check Abby was still not returning.
‘You can say that again.’ She smiled sadly.
‘Sometimes it takes him a little while to figure out what needs to be done regarding his own needs. Don’t you wait on him! He needs to see that he’s lost you before he can get that head out of his ass. Please don’t make things easy on him, like you were... It won’t change otherwise.’ They heard Abby flushing the toilet, and he moved forward to pat her again warmly. She smiled as he reached forward and kissed her cheek with a wink, floating back before swimming to the side and climbing out with a backwards wave.
‘Now, if you don’t mind, this old man needs to get back into the warm air before my legs give way. Not quite as virile as I used to be, and the sauna is much more my style.’ He grinned, throwing a wave and stopping to kiss Abby on the forehead as she emerged from the changing room again.
‘Bye.’ Rose called after him, watching Abby slide back into the water gracefully.
Rose felt cold with the immobility in the water, but a small warm glow inside her began to spread. A feeling of something fuzzy and gentle and hopeful.
He had told his father about them. Told his father he loved her. Talked about them despite all the secretiveness... He had told his dad! Surely that counted for something?
It had given her enough of a warm glow deep inside. She felt her face warm, and her limbs loosen up with some inner hopeful tingling.
* * *
They stayed in the pool for an hour. Seeing Hamish Munro again before he left, midway through splashing, carrying on, and laughing at his awful jokes. He was a lovely man, and the wink he threw at Rose made her feel a tad better for the first time in weeks, like a warm gesture from a kind stranger that could brighten your day.
Maybe it was more than the wink. Perhaps it was what he had said to her.